That’s Stella

So here I am. Stuck in Chicago. I flew over for client business yesterday morning, only to be rushed to the hospital emergency room diagnosed with H1N1 - more commonly known as Swine Flu. Crazy!

It all started with a scratchy throat cough then 24 hours later (whilst in a meeting with clients!!) I was shivering. I put my heavy winter coat on but couldn’t get warm. But the next hour I had a fever and was dripping with sweat. I kept falling asleep and it was a struggle to concentrate. It was super embarrassing and a stressful situation with my clients there. My colleagues rushed me to the hospital which was kinda scary.

I’d never been to a hospital here in the States and knew there were all these things I had to think about, like whether my health care provider would cover my treatment and if I was in network, out of network, all this health care mumbo jumbo. The doctor acted like it was no big deal, gave me a prescription for drugs and told me to stay away from people. So I’m shacked up in a nice hotel here in Chicago till I can fly back to NY. To be honest, I can’t wait to get home.

Work had to decontaminate my work area and sent out an email to all employees which is super embarrassing. They don’t mention names, but when I woke up this morning I had 16 messages asking if I was ok. Everyone’s sweetness is so lovely, but can’t wait to kick this!!

Eric convinced me to ask out John for drinks. It wasn’t a major leap because Eric, John and I had already discussed hanging out on Saturday night. So I messaged him.

“Hi! Great to meet you last night. What are you up to tonight? Interested in meeting up for drinks? Stella”

No reply. Rejection! To be honest, I knew there was a big chance that would happen. Unfortunately, as much as we got along, I kinda knew feelings weren’t reciprocated. Eric has been harping on that he thinks I’m scared of rejection and that’s what stops me from getting out there. I love that he tells me this like it’s some big revelation, but I doesn’t take Einstein to figure that one out. This is 100% true. So even though this is going to sound retarded, I almost wanted rejection from John so I could feel the pain of rejection, and see how I dealt with getting over it.

So I headed out with my girlfriends on Saturday night. Eric joined us and pushed me to talk to random men. After he left, me and my friend headed to one bar in the East Village. By this time, it was 2am and I was a happy drunk and feeling flirty and sexy. I kept glancing at this cute guy who stood alone behind us at the bar, but was occasionally talking to some Asian girl. He wore plaid and was tall and did I mention he was cute? Soon enough, he came over and started chatting to me. My friend felt like the 3rd wheel and disappeared to the toilets. I’m chatting to this guy Sean, and we start making out at the bar. We couldn’t have given a toss about who we were, what we did, our background, etc.. which I think is the reason I felt so sketchy about the whole situation.

He was begging me to leave the bar with him. If he wasn’t so cute I would’ve walked away after his “smooth line” of “How would you feel about seeing me naked?”. But I was lapping up the attention. It was a major ego boost after such a dry season and it was just what I needed. By 3am, the bar was emptying out and Sean and I headed to the back of the bar where it was pitch black and my girl friend was dancing with this tall mammoth of a man. I know this is going to sound juvenile, but as we made out in the corner, I gave him a hand job. Hah. A hand job! Yes, i am 25 years old and gave a hand job to some random guy at a bar. But like I said, it was pitch black. He asked to go back to my place, but I just was not feeling it. I’ve been complaining to my friends for months about my poor sex life, and here was this guy, cute and eager, and I couldn’t feel it. I dragged my girl friend outside and asked what I should do… she walked me to the curb, popped me in a cab and told me it wasn’t worth it. So yes. I left this poor guy at the bar wondering where I was. And whilst I felt really bad the next morning, I had no regrets.

My boy friends have been pushing me to get back into the dating scene. I admit that my love life has been super lame this year. I’ve met lots of great guys, but they’ve either become platonic friends straight away, or like Jason, I start seeing them, we become close, and all of a sudden he’s my best friend and romantic feelings are thrown out the window. This happens all the time. sigh.

When I moved back to NY last year, I met so many guys and was a lot more confident and daring and brazen. My favorite encounters was this guy and this guy. I used my foreignness to my advantage and threw out my Australian accent whenever I got a chance. But this year, that brazen foreign girl that was once me seems to have disappeared. I’ve become too comfortable with my group of friends and being the center of attention with my guy friends has almost replaced the neediness for sex/love/romance.

So Eric (who has been the biggest pusher for me to get back to my brazen self) set me up with his friend on Friday night. I met Eric, his friend John and John’s friend Jeff at a bar on the Lower East Side.

As soon as I saw John, I thought “Holy crap. Eric has really pulled through”. He was just my type. Brown floppy hair and big, thick, brown rimmed glasses. We had a great conversation and exchanged numbers, but he was far more interested in talking to Eric about business, and Jeff was far more interested in me. But I wasn’t interested. Jeff was a little prickly at first, but the more we got to talking, the nicer he was. He bought me drinks because he told me, “I don’t want you to leave”. Conversation was good enough but I felt like he was trying to up me all the time. There was no spark. In fact, I thought he was gay when I first saw him and ruled him out straight away. John left the bar a little earlier then we did. Jeff ended up walking me home.

Erik messaged me the next morning asking if anything happened with Jeff. I texted back…

“NO”.

Saturday night was another story. Two words.

Drunken. Debauchery.

Stay tuned.

A new girl joined our agency today. We all work in an open space sharing big desks. People are pretty precious about who shares their desk. We’re on a big table of 6 and up until the start of summer, we had a perfect little possie - we were one big happy family, till three girls quit the ad industry all together.

I suppose since our table was pretty bare, they sat the new girl with us.

It was her first day and she wore jeans and a white tank top with her belly button showing. The HR director took her around and the new girl kept calling the director “Hun”. “Thanks Hun.” “No worries Hun”. Her ball point pen rolled off her desk and on the floor and she screamed “Oh no!” and made sure everyone on our floor heard about it. She screams into the phone and has to make a noise and make her presence known. Any little twitch is heard. Any little movement and someone on the other side of the building can hear it. Here’s the bitchy girl in me, but oh god she is so annoying!!!

And to top it all off? She’s a Kiwi.

Don’t get me wrong. I have friends from New Zealand, but since Flight of the Conchords, everyone plays up this big rivalry between Australia and New Zealand and this just makes it worse. Everyone keeps asking if we’re going to wrestle and if they need to keep us apart.

I got back from a meeting in the afternoon and had two instant messages from two friends who sit a few desks away.

Phil “I don’t care what that new girl’s name is - she’s officially called Loud Mouth”.

Amy “Don’t hate me for saying this, but that Australian chick needs to pipe down or else her face is going to meet my fist”.

Hooray for friends.

*please note - I do not really condone violence. Not all the time anyway.

Here’s reason # 8298 why I love New York…

Last week I was walking to work. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was out. It was a slightly chilly morning. I was walking the back streets to work, going along Washington Street.

Who do I see walking his dog but my music idol - Lou Reed! LOU REED!
Velvet Underground is my favorite band and I am such a huge fan of the man. I wanted to scream. Instead I laughed because I thought it was such a typically ridiculous thing that could only happen in this city. Walking to work and bumping into a music legend. Love it.

When I moved to NY last year, I saw him at this small show for $30. I went on my own and had a “NY moment”. I stayed after the show hoping to get a record signed. I stayed for a good hour after the show, only to see him get ushered away quickly into a town car. I was gutted.

I went to a party earlier this year and he was there with his partner Laurie. I was so intimidated by the crowd I couldn’t approach him.

And now here I was. Just me and Lou and his dog. My perfect opportunity. And did I say anything? No. I didn’t need to. I walked to work with an extra spring in my step and boasted about my encounter to colleagues.

And of course… I fell in love with NY all over again.

Well, it’s been an interesting few weeks since my best friend hooked up with GB. At first it started out as just a bit of fun and excitement. But it got out of hand when she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. The whole office found out. Then people she went to highschool with found out. People from her past called her out of the blue to get the story. Chicks in the office who never had any interest in hanging out with her all of a sudden were asking what her weekend plans were. It was ridiculous!!

I was away in Chicago for business and didn’t see it first hand, but on Monday when she returned to work and told everyone, her bosses and random colleagues were coming up to her every 10 minutes asking if he had texted back, some were even so blatantly rude/annoying and rifling through her bag to find her cell phone to check if she had received any new messages! INSANITY! What is wrong with people?!

All this attention and expectations really fucked over my friend. Her bosses said that if she was planning a rendezvous with GB, she could take a day off the next day and not feel bad about it - they just wanted to hear all about it. Which I suppose is cool that her bosses were encouraging of her to take a day off after shagging GB, but it’s not very cool that they were also constantly grilling her for updates.

A week later, after many lectures and crying and all that BS, she has learnt to keep her mouth shut. She’s told everyone it’s over - that he stopped messaging. Only me and another girlfriend (plus her mom) know what’s actually going on. The insanity has stopped, but the crafting of late night text messages has not!

In two hours, I am going to meet Jason’s new girlfriend. We were seeing each other intensely earlier this year, but now he has become one of my best friends. I’ve met his family and my dad has added him as one of his Facebook friends so there’s no backing out now. There are no romantic feelings whatsoever. How do I know this? After I realized the thought of shagging him repulsed me, I figured pursuing anything romantically serious with him was probably a bad idea. I should set things straight. He is one handsome guy - whenever I introduced him to friends they would harp on about how good looking he is, but what can I say? There was just no sexual chemistry.

He’s been seeing this girl for a month and called me on Friday to say things had progressed and were now using the “bf” and “gf” terms. Spew. I am really fucking nervous about meeting her. Jason said to me “She knows all about you - and she’s going to treat you like a princess”. Jason hasn’t said the most positive things about her so I’m slightly cautious.

I keep thinking… What should I wear? What if she hates me? What if I hate her? Do I tell him? Will this effect our friendship? Will he chose me over her? Is this going to last? Is it worth becoming friends with her? Oh god… I hope I don’t have to hang out with her every time I hang out with Jason. I hope she’s not too pretty. I wish I was slightly threatening looking….

The other day, our friend Johnny got back from a trip overseas and called me to catch up for a drink. We usually hang out in our group of friends that consists of me and five boys. I met all the boys through Jason because he went to college with them and I am super close to all of them but am definitely the odd one out being the only chick and foreigner. Johnny asked “So how are my boys doing?” But he quickly went to correct himself and said “Or should I say, how are your boys doing?”.

But am I losing a boy? Is Jason no longer one of “my boys”? I am insane.

There are a few relatively simple human things that still surprise me and give me warm and fuzzies. These are simple human behaviors that give me faith in the human kind. That is:

1. People in traffic using their common sense and giving way to flashing ambulances.
2. Seeing someone drop a penny or two or a few bills into a homeless persons cup.
3. Merging (in fact, this is a miracle if you ever see it happen in Perth)

I was at work this evening when I got a call from one of my boy friends Nick. He was all panicky and asked if I had heard about our friend Eric. I had no idea. He told me that Eric had collapsed on a side walk and was taken by ambulance to hospital. They had called the last person on his cell phone who was Nick’s friend and more of a business associate of Erik’s. So I am worried and I quickly call Jason - me and Eric’s best friend - but he wasn’t picking up. I call Eric and he tells me he’s in ER waiting to see a doctor, and that he just felt pressure in his head and blacked out and the next thing he knows he’s in hospital.

Half an hour later, Jason, Nick and I are sitting in ER hanging out with Eric. And you know what? That is fucking cool. In New York, friends are all you have. All my friends here moved away from their family and we’re all orphans in this city. You can always count on your family to do the hospital hang out, but knowing I have the friends that would do the same thing is kinda special.

When I moved to New York last year, I wrote a top five list of musicians I wanted to see whilst I was here (because the chances of catching them in Perth are often limited or if that, you’re forced to see them at festivals like the Big Day Out, where you don’t really get to fully experience/appreciate).

Here’s my list:
1. Lou Reed
2. Broken Social Scene
3. Explosions in the Sky
4. Sufjan Stevens
5. Radiohead

So far I have crossed from the list Lou Reed, Explosions in the Sky (who I’ve seen twice now) and Radiohead (one of the best experiences in my life). I was super excited to hear Sufjan Stevens was playing four shows in the next 2 months. Considering how much I want to see him, I can’t believe I went online 4 hours after tickets went on sale, only to find they were sold out. SOLD OUT. I kid you not!! I was devastated. DEVASTATED. I also recently missed out on tickets for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Phoenix. I’m kinda confident I can score YYY and Phoenix tickets from scalpers, but Sufjan promoters have made it impossible for people to sell tickets. Firstly there was only a 2 ticket limit per person and everyone has to go to the venue to pick up their tickets on the night of the show. Super bummed I won’t be crossing that one off the list.

My bio needed updating since 2005… a lot has changed.

I am Stella. I am a 20-something year old girl who grew up in Perth and has been living in New York for the past 1.5 years.

When I was in my early teens, I earned money being on children television shows. A couple years later I posed as an 18 year old (when in actual fact I was very under age) and got a job as a DJ on a radio show. I scored press passes to concerts and after parties and met famous musicians. I was mischievous and brazen and it was some of the best years of my life.

When I was 20, I worked for a magazine publication in New York. Ever read The Devil Wears Prada? Minus the handsome suitors, it was a story I could relate to. The publishing world is harsh.

Today I work for one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world. But after only 4 years of being in this industry, I have decided I have had enough. I want to pursue a life in film production – like a million other people do.

I love life in New York. If I didn’t have my parents or friends living in Perth, I wonder sometimes if there would be any reason to return.

Whilst living in New York I have:
1. Learnt to cook
2. Become a literary junkie
3. Made friends with people I REALLY “click” with
4. Not only saw Lou Reed in a small and intimate concert but also went to a party he attended (and got royally trashed)
5. Learnt to appreciate summer - NY winters are harsh
6. Not had any major heart break - I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing…
7. Last but not least, I have seen my favorite Picasso painting 7 times this year and that is special.

Ok seriously… this is why you should never ever believe what’s said in gossip magazines or gossip blogs.

On Monday afternoon, just for fun, we googled Gerry and our Saturday night destination, wondering if anyone had commented on catching him make out with my bestie.

(You can do it yourself. Google his name and “The Jane”)

As you can see, trashy magazines like People Mag have completely stolen my friends thunder, and made up some blatant lies about him making out or as they love to put it, “canoodling” with HER!!! Lies!!

Frankly, my friend was really happy she wasn’t mentioned. She’s a super private person and the type of chick who is happier to have their birthday slip by without anyone knowing so she’s not the center of attention. But still… fuck that. I know I should laugh about it (trust me, we all did) but gossip mags are a little fucking ridiculous! Could you imagine if you were actually in a relationship with someone in the public eye and having them at the scrutiny of gossip mags? You could go crazy with paranoia.

I was going to tell you about this new guy I went on a date with on Thursday night - seriously, this guy is so amazingly beautiful/handsome, I want to make his facebook profile pic my desktop so I can remind myself how lucky I was to kiss the guy, but that stays between us, and I am joking anyway… but kinda not - but now this all seems boring and irrelevant after what happened last night.

I would love to tell you all the details, but I probably shouldn’t.
The short story is…my girlfriends and I went out last night. This actress was there. So was this funny man. This place we went to is literally a 3 minute walk from my apartment so it was kind of strange to have a Hollywood infestation so close to home. Anyway, my best friend here, who happens to be gorgeous and doesn’t know it (one of her best qualities) pashes THIS guy!!!.

They exchange numbers but he was super paranoid about leaving with her because as he says it “I’m kinda famous”. I don’t want to make him sound like a dick, because he was a really great guy. But anyway we are buzzed from the whole night and end up at my besties apartment just drinking. At 4am she gets a message from him asking if she’s awake… and later asking her to “Come say hello” at his apartment at 5:30am. Judge me all you want, but I was encouraging. I told her to go for it and she wanted to, but the rest of the girls made her feel really bad about the whole situation (hello jealousy) and she ended up not going.

This afternoon, imagine this… 6 girls all gathered around my bestie, spending 3 hours crafting a text back to him. We discussed winks and smiles. We fought over the grammer and punctuation. There was plenty of back and forth over the content. We called male friends for their opinion. If only you could hear our conversation - we all couldn’t believe we were women in our mid-20’s discussing this like we were solving the worlds problems! Haha. After 3-4 hours we came up with a one liner…. that sounded a little desperate - but of course we only realized this AFTER we sent it. Funny.

I love New York.

Is anyone out there to hear my NY love stories? Please say hello. I am feeling lonely.