That’s Stella

Here’s the lowdown - no bullshit or sugar glazing.

I am miserable at my new job. The people are “nice” but I don’t fit in. Not because I’m not nice, but everyone is so cushy with each other, I feel like I’ve invaded some secret society. Man, I am really easy to get along with. Honest. I’ve never had this problem at other agencies. I just don’t feel… comfortable.

My days start at 5am. I have a nervous breakdown on St Georges Terrace during the morning traffic jam. I start to get a little grumpy by 3pm when I realise I’ve missed out on breakfast and won’t have anytime for lunch. I finish work by 8pm. Get home and sleep by 9:30pm. I’m practically living at work. Hence why uncomfortableness leads to miserableness. Every morning I have to remind myself how fucking lucky I am and how I am worthy, but my mantra is wearing a little thin.

Only three days into my new job and it was already taking a toll on me. I ended up “sick” (read - tired and sad) and went home by midday. I was in a deep snooze when Mr. London called for a chat. I was completely out of it and admitted that I was at home sleeping. He was really apologetic and in the end I had to say,
“Listen. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and I’m in bed taking a granny nap. As long as you don’t tell my boss that I went home to sleep then I forgive you”
But what I really wanted to say was,
“Listen, I can’t think of anyone else who I’d rather be woken up by. As long as you come and join me then I’ll forgive you”.

The new job has also taken a toll on the potential with Mr. London. I had to cancel on him when work went a lot later then expected (no big fricken surprise), then he had to cancel on me the second time round for the same reason. Man, if we had children, I fear we would be completely awful and neglectful parents. Uh… I mean… not that I think about having his babies or anything…. uh yeah… who am I kidding? I don’t even know if he likes me.

I did end up seeing him later in the week when I went to his agency to have a coffee with his boss. As soon as I walked through the doors, he was standing there waiting for me. But it was kinda weird and I felt no spark or butterflies. Of course I’m not going to write him off because of that. I figure we were just in professional mode. To be honest though, I brought him a block of rocky road wrapped up in brown paper, tied up in twine and planned to put it on his desk as a surprise because I am just so god damned sweet. I feel awful saying this, but when I didn’t get that jolt of excitement that I usually get when I see him, I decided to keep the rocky road and gave it to some of my girl friends!
teehehe… you can’t say I don’t have my priorities right!

I start at a new agency tomorrow. It’s only a temporary position for now, but it’s long enough that it will change the look of my CV entirely and will give me that much more confidence to go for the jobs I always dismiss fearing lack of experience. I told my friend who’s been in the industry for awhile now about my new found possie and as he put it “People will be knocking on YOUR door”.

I hope so.

I am really nervous. I don’t remember being so nervous when I started at my last agency, although I’m sure I was.

I haven’t quit my current job. As I said in my last post, my boss has been really encouraging so he’s willing to share me with this agency. But there’s so much work to do that I’m going to have to work at this new place from 8-5 then head to my other office from 5 onwards and work weekends so my clients don’t think I’ve taken their money and made a speedy get away in my dream black Merc.

Crap - there goes my social life!

On Friday after realising how much I’m going to have to juggle, I took a trip to Officeworks and refilled my Filofax with a 2006 diary. I’ve been relying way too much on my calender functions on my cell phone and post-it notes. Anyway, the next three weeks look chocabloc - work work work. But an upside is that Mr. London’s agency is just down the road, so he’s already appointed a half way rendevous point to drown a couple after work.

Wish me luck! Here I go…

I have a theory. I believe that on the weekend I purchased a super lucky dress. Of course at the time I had no idea what I may have been investing in otherwise I would’ve bought every colour in my size and oh boy! What a worthwhile investment it would be at only $120 a pop! What a bargain for a super lucky dress!

Of course I could be wrong and one could also put it down to the sheer sexiness and awesomeness of my dark grape colour dress and I was in fact beaming from how great the dress felt and perhaps could have brought the good luck upon myself?

I’m sure my dad would discredit all this kudos I’m giving to my new found friend. I greeted him this morning wearing black footless Metallicus tights, my knee-length super lucky dress and black cardigan with pointy black stilettos. Upon seeing my outfit concoction dad smirkingly asked
“Why are you wearing pyjamas to work?”.
HA ha very funny daddy dearest!!

Little did I mention to you daddy, that after your comment, there was a chain of fortunate events!

1. I parked in a reserved spot at work and didn’t get the usual $100 fine folk usually incur (usually one to two hours I can get away with it, but 9 hours!? Hot yeah!)

2. I managed to wrangle a dream job for a friend of mine (she has been waiting for a position like this for 2 years and I scored it for her! I call it, sharing the lurve!)

3. A rather cute guy who has been popping into my office every week for the past month confessed his love to me. (I thought it was a joke, but he wasn’t laughing and it was rather flattering - you should know this NEVER happens)

4. A handsome stranger paid for my lunch in the lunch line (I know- never take candy from strangers, but it was a BLT and it was delicious!).

5. One of the top agencies called me and asked me to come in next Monday for a temp position! (fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

6. Upon crawling to my boss’ office to ask for time off to work at this agency, he gave me his full blessing and said I’d be an idiot if I didn’t take it (work is REALLY busy right now so at first I must admit that despite being the family man that he is, my eyes couldn’t help but scan his desk for any sign of drugs - there were none!)

7. Mr. London got in touch to plan a night of drinks! (We have finally progressed from lunch dates! Could this be my chance to “accidentally” get drunk and let lose all inhibitions?)

Hrmmm… Now of course I’m going to have to retest this dress… But I don’t want to wear out the good luckiness that it may have… But what better time to test then a night out of drinks with Mr. London! Mwahaha! I’ll let you know the outcome…

Last December…

“After the whole Red-holding-hand-during-movies incident, Red and I went out on a lunch date and I don’t know how to put this but… I was bored out of my freakin mind. During lunch I just kept thinking about what I wanted for Christmas (a D&G watch and Motorola Razr V3 cell phone) and how much I wished Santa was real. A week ago I thought I was falling for Red. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I don’t know what is wrong with me!! Actually, that is a complete lie. Confession? It’s not rocket science - I was attracted to him. Red is hot. He has the hottest body ever! During lunch he leaned back on his chair and rested his hands on head and his biceps were bursting out. Hot! I just wanted to BITE them! I probably still would given the chance. OoOO…That is awkward….

Anyway I’m glad I’m over him. I think I was playing second fiddle anyway and he has a crush on another girl. We’re still friends. No hard feelings. This girl he has a crush on has as much personality as a potato spud.”

Today…

Red messaged me inviting me to he and Miss. Potato Spuds freakin engagement party!!! Holy cow! They’ve been going out for 4 months! Anyway, I am happy for them because admittedly they are a great couple, and I really shouldn’t be calling his fiancee a potato spud anymore because I actually quite like her and think she’s rather sweet.

But four months?

I’ve been to 4 engagement parties this year. Is this the start of the wedding influx? Did I mention I am only turning 22 in a another 2 months? By the time I’m 30, will all my friends be hitched? Truth is, a lot of my close friends are a good few years ahead of me so I suppose they’re in their prime. But whenever friends get hitched, I feel like I am losing a part of them.

Seriously, nothing beats single friends.

Last night my girlfriends and I were having drinks at a bar in the city. The place was packed with men in suits. We bumped into an older man we were familiar with in the ad industry. I’ve dealt with him before and introduced him to my girl friends. I really should have known better then to acknowledge his presence because he has a reputation for being an arrogant asshole. He was greasy and sleazy and blew cigarette smoke into people’s faces. I came home last night desperate for a shower to cleanse myself of his greasiness. I cringed every time he invaded my personal space and whispered in my ear or drew circles on my back with his palm. It disgusted me and despite not giving a shit about him, I was still painfully polite and moved away from him with subtlety every time he got a little too close for comfort

Ewwwwwww……

Things have already started progressing with Mr. London. Today we spent the day playing a game of email ping-pong. I couldn’t help giggling like a school girl every time I read his emails, and it made my day at work so much more enjoyable. I have to state the obvious by saying, I am REALLY looking forward to seeing him. But I’m really wary of jinxing the potential that could be there? I have to be honest and as say that as stupid as this sounds, I can totally see something happening. But he seems so great – why doesn’t he already have a girlfriend?

When I was 14, I met my first boyfriend at a Jebediah/Living End gig. I remember that as soon as I laid my eyes on him, I thought “He’s hot… I am totally going to go out with him!” and sure enough, something like a few months later we were officially girlfriend and boyfriend! We were completely incompatible. And we must’ve looked so weird together. He was strikingly tall over 6’ and I was (and still am) 5’3.

A year later I was at another gig and instead, the guitarist up on stage caught my eye and I was quite insistent on getting to know him. Months later he was picking me up after school and laying on my bed – eating cookies and being completely innocent of course! (Actually, this was the moment when he finally told me he had a girlfriend)

But man, back in the day I was such a go-getter!!! Anything I wanted and set my eyes on, I went for it and got it! Boys, jobs, friends…Sometimes it took a bit work, but I was always a winner. I was so daring and confident and believed in myself and thought I was fabulous. When I was 14 I never remember thinking I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or good enough?

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME!?!!!???

Number of times this morning at work that I picked up my phone to ring Mr. London then continuing to put it down - 6

Number of times I started writing an email “Hey Mr. London…” then continuing to delete it during my day - 17

I really want to take him up on that offer to meet for a catch up…

But handsome men are like drugs.

Addictive and dangerous!

But listen… if you think I should get in touch with him… then I trust you to tell me…
However random you are internet surfer, I trust your judgement…
Just say the word…

My blog has really changed since my first one that I started up a few years ago. I feel like I’ve been withholding a lot of information and been careful and so on…. how boring. I mean, the main reason for this is admittedly telling a handful of real life friends about this site. But now that I’m being sensitive to others (haha) I don’t have anything I can really blog about….

But I’ve decided that I’m not going to hold back anymore. Plus I figure my real life thoughts must surely be a tid bit more interesting than some rambles that I’m hosing down for fear of who it could shock…?

Anyway…. the new me starts now.

I have a crush. The dreaded crush (who shall be known as Mr. London). I’ve avoided having a crush for most of the year now, but heck, with this guy I can’t help but let my eyes glaze over at work and think about what our life would be like together and where we’d go on our honeymoon and how we’d furnish our first home and whether we’d name our first son Alex or Christian. I was at work yesterday when I saw him walk past my office. I told my boss I was going to the toilet, and ran outside (no, I really RAN) to see him - which was awfully difficult in the tightest pencil skirt ever. I mean, I thought I was close to splitting my skirt and having to explain myself for public exposure. Of course when I came within viewing distance of him, I broke out into a casual stroll. We had a big catch up and he explained he was at my office to shoot our location for a commercial. Yes… he is in the same industry as me…

An older mutual friend of ours introduced the two of us a couple months ago - my friend was strictly introducing me to his friend as a business contact. Of course he didn’t say this word by word, but it was pretty much implied that our relationship had to be a professional one. My friend was doing me a huge favour by introducing Mr.London (because Mr. London works as a director at my favourite agency and could give me the inside info) so I was more than obliging to agree to be professional and proper, that is, till I met Mr. London. I remember shaking his hand and all my brain registered was “PWOARRR! HOT!!! I’m never washing my hand again!”. We went out for lunch, and not only was he completely handsome, but he was amazingly kind and had my sense of humour and intelligent and well travelled and knew what good music sounds like and we just meshed. Also the fact the he is a creative and making money out of it, completely and utterly turns me on.

Anyway after our lunch, we kept in touch, but just as my friend wanted, it was strictly professional. But after seeing him yesterday, I don’t know if I want to be professional about it!! But then again, I would rather a job at his agency then HIM. Does that not sound completely awful????! That I would chose career over potential love? Hahah!! Actually it doesn’t surprise me, but when I’m a 70 year old spinster, I might regret being this way.

Despite both being on work time, we had a looooonnnnng catch up and he asked me to give him a call so we could have a proper catch up. Now, in my head I’m thinking
“HOT YEAH! He likes me! Hold on…if he REALLY liked me, he would ring ME, otherwise he’s just not that into me!” So despite him wanting to catch up, I was still on a down that if he really liked me, I wouldn’t have to be the one to ring him… RIGHT?

Then I got to thinking…
Maybe Mr. London is trying to be professional about it?
Maybe he thinks I’m not interested in him?
It’s not like I’ve been at all obvious (I’m sure he didn’t see me run)
Maybe he thinks I’m too young?
I’m turning 22 in two months and he’s 10 years my senior?
But when I think of all these excuses, I can hear my boy friends dismissing these excuses, saying that none of these things would stop a guy from chasing a girl if he REALLY liked them….
So in that case… maybe he just doesn’t like me?

Argh I think too much. I know I should just be happy that next week we’ll have a nice lunch filled with conversation and laughs, but what I would give to exchange a pleasant lunch for a night of drunken debauchery!!!!!!
(Followed of course by a relationship… and a son named Alex….)
Well… I’d give anything but a job at his agency that is….

I’d love to be stranded on a lonely island with these guys anyday…
(double brownie points for making me laugh and being hot nerds…)

I am hooked watching the tube…
(I’ve been crook and stuck at home, don’t judge me!)

Listening to this album makes me run faster on my morning jogs…
(and consequently makes me want to curl up in the foetal position when I come home and fall asleep)

I have decided I don’t like the taste of this and am giving it up entirely indefinitely…
(I’m marking in my calender every day that goes by that I go without it)

It sounds like a McDonalds tune, but Honda’s ad agency creatives have great taste in music and use these guys for their current ad campaign…
(Clouds and sunshine, la di da)