That’s Stella

My blog has really changed since my first one that I started up a few years ago. I feel like I’ve been withholding a lot of information and been careful and so on…. how boring. I mean, the main reason for this is admittedly telling a handful of real life friends about this site. But now that I’m being sensitive to others (haha) I don’t have anything I can really blog about….

But I’ve decided that I’m not going to hold back anymore. Plus I figure my real life thoughts must surely be a tid bit more interesting than some rambles that I’m hosing down for fear of who it could shock…?

Anyway…. the new me starts now.

I have a crush. The dreaded crush (who shall be known as Mr. London). I’ve avoided having a crush for most of the year now, but heck, with this guy I can’t help but let my eyes glaze over at work and think about what our life would be like together and where we’d go on our honeymoon and how we’d furnish our first home and whether we’d name our first son Alex or Christian. I was at work yesterday when I saw him walk past my office. I told my boss I was going to the toilet, and ran outside (no, I really RAN) to see him - which was awfully difficult in the tightest pencil skirt ever. I mean, I thought I was close to splitting my skirt and having to explain myself for public exposure. Of course when I came within viewing distance of him, I broke out into a casual stroll. We had a big catch up and he explained he was at my office to shoot our location for a commercial. Yes… he is in the same industry as me…

An older mutual friend of ours introduced the two of us a couple months ago - my friend was strictly introducing me to his friend as a business contact. Of course he didn’t say this word by word, but it was pretty much implied that our relationship had to be a professional one. My friend was doing me a huge favour by introducing Mr.London (because Mr. London works as a director at my favourite agency and could give me the inside info) so I was more than obliging to agree to be professional and proper, that is, till I met Mr. London. I remember shaking his hand and all my brain registered was “PWOARRR! HOT!!! I’m never washing my hand again!”. We went out for lunch, and not only was he completely handsome, but he was amazingly kind and had my sense of humour and intelligent and well travelled and knew what good music sounds like and we just meshed. Also the fact the he is a creative and making money out of it, completely and utterly turns me on.

Anyway after our lunch, we kept in touch, but just as my friend wanted, it was strictly professional. But after seeing him yesterday, I don’t know if I want to be professional about it!! But then again, I would rather a job at his agency then HIM. Does that not sound completely awful????! That I would chose career over potential love? Hahah!! Actually it doesn’t surprise me, but when I’m a 70 year old spinster, I might regret being this way.

Despite both being on work time, we had a looooonnnnng catch up and he asked me to give him a call so we could have a proper catch up. Now, in my head I’m thinking
“HOT YEAH! He likes me! Hold on…if he REALLY liked me, he would ring ME, otherwise he’s just not that into me!” So despite him wanting to catch up, I was still on a down that if he really liked me, I wouldn’t have to be the one to ring him… RIGHT?

Then I got to thinking…
Maybe Mr. London is trying to be professional about it?
Maybe he thinks I’m not interested in him?
It’s not like I’ve been at all obvious (I’m sure he didn’t see me run)
Maybe he thinks I’m too young?
I’m turning 22 in two months and he’s 10 years my senior?
But when I think of all these excuses, I can hear my boy friends dismissing these excuses, saying that none of these things would stop a guy from chasing a girl if he REALLY liked them….
So in that case… maybe he just doesn’t like me?

Argh I think too much. I know I should just be happy that next week we’ll have a nice lunch filled with conversation and laughs, but what I would give to exchange a pleasant lunch for a night of drunken debauchery!!!!!!
(Followed of course by a relationship… and a son named Alex….)
Well… I’d give anything but a job at his agency that is….