That’s Stella

Call me naive, but this whole Frenefit situation wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be. There’s been awkwardness, tears, jealousy, broken friendships, broken hearts and more tears to come.

But along with all the bad stuff, I’ve also experienced the most unique friendship. I don’t know how I could ever explain it or if I will ever experience it again. If there will be someone to replace him. Or if things will ever be the same.

Jack and Racer left to go back to the Eastern States FOREVER yesterday.

We knew it was coming.

It was probably the reason why we were seeing each other everyday in their last couple of months here - to make the most out of the time they were here.

Work has been keeping me super busy. Work work work. But during those spare moments I have to myself on the drive to work in the morning and on the way home, I listen to Jeff Buckleys “Oh Lover you should have come over” and tear up thinking about him. I LOVE the pain.

I am broken.

And I think I am in love.

And so in conclusion to my last post, I dislike the following things about Jack:

1. He tells really boring stories. It kills me. He has such passion when he’s initially telling themand when he’s finished I realise I’ve just wasted a good few minutes of my life.

2. Jack is really cool. (This is not what’s to hate) He was that hot super cool kid in highschool who’s great at sports and all the girls love him. That is, till he has a few drinks! He turns into that awkward embarassing kid at school who no-one really wants to talk to. The kid who tries to hard. TURN off…

3. And the quality that started this whole “What’s NOT cool” about Jack campaign is his ability to put someone down at a really inappropriate time. He’s never done it to me, but he said something really unnecessary to Racer and Racer was quite cut up about it. What Jack said to him was the equivalant of saying to Frank Sinatra that he couldn’t sing (and meaning it) right before he went on stage to sing in front of 10,000 people.

I mean honestly, I don’t know how people do it. That is, like one person enough to stay with them essentially for the rest of their lives! Despite all my posts about boys, they’re actually few and far between, and in my head the chances of finding one awesome man is a little disheartening. Am I too critical? Will I be a spinster at 40 and wish I hadn’t been so choosy and regret letting the fact that I struck off someone from my potential list because he loses his cool when he’s had one too many? Or because once in a blue moon he likes to put someone down? Or because the thought of growing old with someone and having to listen to their boring stories till I’m senile makes me cringe? Am I over reacting here? Am I still single because I’m too picky? When people get married, is it because they’ve had enough of singledom and consciously decide to just settle and put up with anothers faults? Sure I’m not perfect, but I would hate if someone decided to just “settle” with me even if they hated the fact that I snore, or that I pitch in when it comes to having a consumerist driven society or that I’m a little obsessive compulsive. I would want someone to love those points about me. Just like I’m sure someone would love Jacks boring stories or that he’s a complete goof when he’s drunk.

Turns out there’s lots of things to hate about Jack…

Sometimes… I really love Jack. I know. I wasn’t meant to get myself into trouble with this whole Frenefit situation. And honest, I am doing an awesome job of separating the physical and the emotional aspect, but he’s always been a friend and now that we’ve been hanging out a lot more, we’ve been getting to know each other better and theres so much to love about him.

Last night I was a little upset and teary. It had nothing to do with Jack or Racer or any boy in AUSTRALIA but I gave Jack the silent treatment anyway. I think I just wanted attention and the silent treatment always adds for extra dramatic effect. I was giving him the cold shoulder and the silent treatment and being completely nonresponsive. And you know what he does? He comes over to me and spoons me. He put his arms around me and admittedly I initially tried to shrug him off, but he forced me to endure his hug and he refused to let go for an hour. He didn’t talk. He didn’t even try to fondle my boobs. Or take it further. He just surrounded me with his warmth.
It was soooo nice. It was just what I needed.

Other things to love is the fact he always brings a blazer when we go out, just in case I get cold. I love that he ALWAYS opens doors for me. When we go out every night, he always holds my hand (Racer does this also). And even though we’re not dating, he always pays for me, even when I put up a fight.

He is soooooo lovely.

But I promise I’m not falling for him.

Pinky swear.

is the term I made up whilst I was on my way to work this morning. I was trying to think of a word to describe my current situation with a couple
boyfriends of mine.

I dont know how it happened but these boy friends have only very recently become classed as my friends with benefits.

I know what you’re thinking… Greedy greedy greedy! Well maybe not. Maybe you’re thinking I’m about to get myself into trouble and you could be right, but I am loving this. I must admit it’s the first time I’m exploring the whole Frenefits phenomenon.

I use to hang out with Jack and Racer earlier in the year, but when I cut off ties with one of our mutual friends, I pretty much severed my relationship with the boys too. Jack is this buff punky rocker and Racer is this blonde, blue eyed boy next door cutie. They both rate highly on the hotness scale, but low on their overall boyfriend potentialness. If God could combine the two, they could potentially be the most perfect boyfriend ever.

Anyway a couple months ago we bumped into each other and we’ve been a little inseperable since then. And now that they’re officially in my Frenefits category, well… one of my girl friends and I see them probably a little too often. Just hanging out with them is awesome enough, but throw in romantic scenery and spooning and kissing and biting and you get the drift, it makes for an extremely satisfying night out. Of course we’re not some big orgy. We pair up. But the best thing is, there’s never any argument over who snuggles up to who at the end of the night. It’s kinda like in Starsky and Hutch when Stiller and Wilson are deciding who gets the brunette and who gets the blonde, but it’s no big deal because either way you can’t be dissapointed.

But lately I have been fancying Racer a little more (because usually I’m paired with Jack) so just the two of us went to an Artrage show, and for some reason there was this overwhelming BO from a couple of the theatre goers. It was so bad I spent most of the time with my nose burried in Racers neck and sweater so I could get a whiff of his Hugo Boss rather than the smelly armpit stench. Now had I gone with any other boy friend (who wasn’t a Frenefit) there is no way I could get away with doing that without them thinking I was being all romantic on them. But with Frenefits, there’s no need for explaination.