That’s Stella

The date with this guy never ended up eventuating. He didn’t reply one of my texts and after a couple of days I concluded that ‘he’s just not that into me’. REJECTION. Ouch. Of course I was sorely disappointed but now that I’ve had a couple of weeks to sulk, I know I was only really into him because of his uncanny resemblance to the Hot Rocker.

After that little incident a couple of my boy friends suggested I stay clear of BOYS and any romance and relish singledom for awhile. The thing is, I’ve been single for AGES but I just happen to meet guys on a regular basis these days. It’s not like I hate being single. I’m not looking for a relationship, but I do think a long term relationship would be preferable than these casual romantic liaisons.

Anyway I decided to take my boy friends advice because they know me too well. But within a week I was breaking my new resolution.

I had drinks with Hot Rockers friend Chris during the week. It was quite a random affair. It was just meant to be a catch up over drinks, but it felt like a date. He was paying for all my drinks and we even had an awkward goodbye. I hate to say this but it was a struggle to not think I was strangely attracted to him. I am REALLY picky and couldn’t believe I was even thinking such thoughts because he’s not typically good looking, but there’s just something about him… He wants to have drinks when I come back from Sydney but I’m not going to do ANYTHING. I’ve decided to lay low and wait for him to make the moves.

Last night I went to a party and within minutes of arriving the Married One had his arms around me and kissed me. One of my boy friends asked him if we were sleeping together and I laughed it off but the Married One freaked out like he had been found out for what a cheater he was and kept his distance the rest of the night and left the party early.

It didn’t bother me at the slightest because to be honest… I was distracted by this guy my friend introduced me to. She’d been talking for weeks about how hot he was and boy she wasn’t kidding! Conversation with him just came about so easily, and I think it’s partly because I thought there was no chance for romance because he is a good 15 years older than me!! But half way through the night, the Older One and I separated from the crowd and sat on crates outside talking and bonding over the same music taste and favourite 2006 bands.

I glammed it up for the party and was wearing these 3 inch Robert Robert heels that were killing me half an hour of arriving at the party and I remember him telling me “You’d still look gorgeous, shoes or without shoes.” I just laughed but secretly my heart was pounding. He asked me out after the party to continue our night. I was quite sure I would’ve ended up waking up in his bed in the morning had I taken up his offer, and to be honest I fancied the thought of that, but I can’t believe this was the reason I turned him down, but my FEET! Oh my goodness… my feet were on fire!! I felt like my toes were going to fall off. My feet were in SO much pain!!!!!!!! There was no way I could’ve gone off gallivanting around with him like that. So yess… I turned down some debauchery for the comfort of my feet.

My boy friends made sure I got home OK and convinced me that I did the right thing - ending the night on a high note and leaving the Older One wanting more!

Earlier this week when the temp hit the low 20’s and the rain came on for a few days consecutively, I got a little excited and brought out of the closet my beloved winter tights! Oooo ahhh! I went to work chirpier than usual whilst everyone else was groaning about our unexpected change in weather.

I have one more week of work then I am off to Sydney for a much needed break. It has been stressful at work so I can’t wait to do some shopping and relaxing and people watching and having late breakfasts and late nights. I’m heading over with one of my girl friends Dee and initially the sole purpose of going to Sydney was to visit Jack and Racer (whom we both miss immensely) but my week off is proving to be at very handy timing work wise. I felt like my head was going to explode on Thursday and I had to remind myself that I only had one more week of work.

Broken Social Scene

Tulip dresses

Bubble skirts

Electric blue

Assymetrical hair cut

The blunt fringe

Hula Bula Bar

Myspace

Shameless

Little Miss Sunshine

Le Specs

Northbridge

Patterned tights

Wall paper

Norman & Quaine

High teas

Broches and pins

Awwwww shit. I am over dating. Well - at least the initial dating period. It’s so stressful! I feel like I’ve had this nasty, intense PMS and it isn’t even that time of the month. I’ve felt so up and down the past couple of days. Sure they’ve been times of complete and utter euphoria and bliss but the stress is far more overwhelming!

I met Ben last week at a party through a friend. I spotted him as soon as I arrived because he was OH so HOT and to be honest, he was a bit of a Hot Rocker look alike. Tattoos on his arms, this awesome arty farty t-shirt, major facial hair stubble action, a trucker cap and a general bad boy look on his face. But when it came to speaking to him, despite the looks, he was this really sweet guy with top conversation skills.

We got along really well. Turns out he just came back from Sydney, he’s in the same industry as me and is into ROCK and Fender Strats and has a life outside advertising. We saw each other a couple days later at another party and he put his arms around my waist and kissed me.

But I left the party and this week he’s been sporadically on my mind. So I spoke to my friend who introduced us and he said I should get in touch with Ben. It took a bit of convincing because I’ve decided that I’m anti-initiation, but my friend gave me Bens number and I boldly asked him out!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucky he said “I’m really keen! This weekend sounds great!”

Now, I’ve always claimed I wouldn’t be one of those needy, read-too-much-into-things kinda girl, but boy it was stressful when it took him half a day to confirm he would come and pick me up for our date! In my head, all I’m thinking is “MAYBE HE’S CHANGED HIS MIND? Maybe he hates me? Maybe he’s found someone else in 4 hours?”

Anyway, all the stress aside, we confirmed our date for Saturday night and I was EXCITED… till he called me hours later and as soon as he said

“I was really looking forward to this weekend…”

I knew he was going to let me down

His excuse was really fair but I’m only human and felt super disappointed!

We’re reconvening next week but I’m trying to teach myself to have low expectations. REALLY really really low expectations.

Have I mentioned I am SO over dating?

The Married One and I got over the awkwardness. It took a good few weeks and time apart to get back to normal. Or so I thought.

The first couple of weeks after the incident were tough. Especially when we were left on our lonesome. We never acknowledged what happened between us and I felt like I needed some sort of apology from him because HE was the one who initiated things and made things awkward. His wife did end up finding out something happened. She just has no idea what and with whom. I hated having to see her and feeling so fake and putting on an ‘extra nice’ act so she wouldn’t suspect anything. I especially hated the worried looks he would give me whenever I was faced with his wife.

Anyway we got over it. I was feeling good about us. We were back to talking like we use to and teasing each other and so on. So I felt more than comfortable getting the whole crew together for some Xmas drinks at our local. Yeah yeah, you’re probably thinking “Oh I know where this is going” but this isn’t some predictable Hollywood movie.

He didn’t accept my offer of drinks with the gang.

However…

he did msg me saying how much he wanted to accept my offer (but wasn’t allowed out since our last drunken debauchery) and in more or less words wanted to rekindle what we started last time.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now THAT put my head in a spin. I mean, as much as it would be a cool thought to think he came onto me because he was madly in love with me - I’m not silly. I thought alcohol was the contributing factor to our little liaison a few weeks ago, but to think he’s coming onto me without any trace of alcohol is another matter altogether. We were talking about how much he’s had to tone it down since he got married and he feels like he’s had to say goodbye to his party self. And I said to him…

“I love you the way you are”.

I can’t help but think if my words maybe meant a lot more to him than what I meant, because to be honest… that could’ve been one of the biggest porkies I’ve ever told. I hate that he’s a cheat and even if he was madly in love with me (HAH!) there is no way I would give up singledom to be with a CHEATER despite how amazingly gorgeous he is.

But… the power I have to make things happen scares the shit out of me.

Not that I am going to of course.