That’s Stella

The Married One and I got over the awkwardness. It took a good few weeks and time apart to get back to normal. Or so I thought.

The first couple of weeks after the incident were tough. Especially when we were left on our lonesome. We never acknowledged what happened between us and I felt like I needed some sort of apology from him because HE was the one who initiated things and made things awkward. His wife did end up finding out something happened. She just has no idea what and with whom. I hated having to see her and feeling so fake and putting on an ‘extra nice’ act so she wouldn’t suspect anything. I especially hated the worried looks he would give me whenever I was faced with his wife.

Anyway we got over it. I was feeling good about us. We were back to talking like we use to and teasing each other and so on. So I felt more than comfortable getting the whole crew together for some Xmas drinks at our local. Yeah yeah, you’re probably thinking “Oh I know where this is going” but this isn’t some predictable Hollywood movie.

He didn’t accept my offer of drinks with the gang.

However…

he did msg me saying how much he wanted to accept my offer (but wasn’t allowed out since our last drunken debauchery) and in more or less words wanted to rekindle what we started last time.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now THAT put my head in a spin. I mean, as much as it would be a cool thought to think he came onto me because he was madly in love with me - I’m not silly. I thought alcohol was the contributing factor to our little liaison a few weeks ago, but to think he’s coming onto me without any trace of alcohol is another matter altogether. We were talking about how much he’s had to tone it down since he got married and he feels like he’s had to say goodbye to his party self. And I said to him…

“I love you the way you are”.

I can’t help but think if my words maybe meant a lot more to him than what I meant, because to be honest… that could’ve been one of the biggest porkies I’ve ever told. I hate that he’s a cheat and even if he was madly in love with me (HAH!) there is no way I would give up singledom to be with a CHEATER despite how amazingly gorgeous he is.

But… the power I have to make things happen scares the shit out of me.

Not that I am going to of course.