That’s Stella

On Friday night was the big annual advertising ball. There were over 800 people and tickets were pricey at $175. Everything was v. extravagant and everyone was frocked up and gorgeous.

I went with three of the creative boys who I knew would give me an ego boost before stepping onto the red carpet. Seriously, nights like these always makes me reconsider my fear of spewing just so I could fit into a size 6 dress and look as amazing as the other girls.

Anyway… I was set for failure because I had high expectations…

I schmoozed and networked and caught up with old friends, but all I could think about was catching up with Hot Rocker and seeing Chris.

Within an hour of arriving I bumped into Chris. I was with my best girl friend on the way to the ladies when we saw him. He was talking to some big wig creative director and stopped his conversation. I felt like my heart jumped when I saw him. In my dream world –I wanted him to comment on how amazing I looked and then he’d hold my face in his hands and go in for the romantic kiss. In reality – he stopped his conversation with big wig, called out my name and reached out his hand for mine. He held my hand but people kept walking between us and we had to keep letting go. But he kept his hand out there waiting for me to grab on, and when I finally did, he pulled me in and we kissed. But it was so fleeting. We didn’t even chat. I told my girl friend how unsatisfying the encounter was but she shook me and said “Are you kidding? He didn’t even notice me! He didn’t say hello or even acknowledge my presence! As far as he’s aware, you were the only person in that room!” Now you have to understand that not only is my girl friend friends with Chris, but she is this gorgeous 6’3 skinny stunning ex model turned creative. When we walk down Rokeby Road, men turn their heads to get a glimpse of her and wolf whistle. And she was right. He didn’t acknowledge her in the slightest.

Anyway all this doesn’t matter because in the end, I didn’t end up with Chris. We spoke briefly at the after party but he never looked out for me. He was always so busy talking to everyone else. I was warned by his mates to ignore him because he was going to go on a bender. But I couldn’t help but hope he’d come looking for me. In my dreams – I wanted him to ask me to go home with him early on in the night because I was all that mattered. In reality – I stayed at the after party till 4 drinking with his friends. When I saw him canoodling with another girl at the bar my heart broke.

I was shattered. I was on the verge of tears and excused myself from my friends but they could sense something was up and tried to get me to stay. These friends – who also happen to be his colleagues - have no idea how much I’m into Chris. Anyway I switched positions so I wasn’t facing the bar and drowned myself in vodka. We were all boozy and out of the blue, one of the art directors says to me “Chris is single! You should hook up with Chris!” And he yells over to Chris at the bar “Hey Chris! Come over!”. Chris comes walking up to our possie and my art director friend asks “Hey Chris, have you met Stella?”. I’m fucked up and pissed off and mouth to him “Fuck you”. But he doesn’t see (thank goodness). I ignored him the rest of the night and watched him get into a taxi with the big wig from earlier in the night and some other boys without saying goodbye and no goodbye kiss. The next thing I remember it’s 11am in the morning and I have a massive hang over and still – a very broken heart.

Expectations with Hot Rocker on the other hand were met. In my dreams – we’d at least have a peck on the cheek. In reality – he put his arms around me and we kissed twice. But la dee da… I would’ve given up my two kisses with Hot Rocker for Chris’ undivided attention.

So this weekend… I’ve been nursing a sore head and heart by surrounding myself with friends and good food, alcohol and appropriate music.

After waking up on Saturday morning, the gang and I went to this new organic café in Northbridge, still in our ball outfits and donning dark sunglasses we ate bacon and rocket ciabattas and sipped on fair trade coffees and teas.

I went home for a shower and nap then headed out to the Belgium Beer Café with my girlfriends all dolled up and drank pints of Hoegaarden to try and get Chris out of my mind. On the way home I listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and wished I was Karen O. When I got back home, I went in search for my fender strat and cursed myself for not restringing my guitar earlier. I was drunk and inspired and drunkenly believed I could’ve penned a few heart felt angsty rock and roll tracks that could’ve made history.

Come Sunday morning, I had another huge headache but decided I wasn’t feeling better and needed some retail therapy. So I went shopping with a friend and bought a $376 Gorman dress – with ulterior motive. Next weekend I might be seeing Chris at a party and well… admittedly, I’m hoping that my sexy $376 dress will buy his attention. How sad! After picking up my new dress we ate (way too much) sushi. I finished off my retail therapy in JB Hi Fi and bought the new Arcade Fire album and PJ Harvey Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea and hoped the rock goddess could teach me a thing or two about heart break.

And tonight? Dinner consists of Lindt chocolate balls and apple cider… Mmmm!

Drowning myself in calories, music and beautiful clothes.