That’s Stella

I spent my Saturday In The Pines – a yearly local music festival held under the shady pines at UWA. There was an eclectic crowd parading their fashions. Girls in their 60’s shift dresses and tights. Boys in their skinny leg jeans and ray bans and flannel and cow boy shirts. Pwoar! I was so inspired by the scene and personalities and get ups that it took me some restraint to not get out my sketchbook from my bag. I wanted to hide in a dark corner where I couldn’t be judged and draw! I would’ve taken happy snaps if I had mastered the art of taking photos without people noticing. My friends kept plying me with beer that I soon forgot about all that anyway. It was getting a little ridiculous. Before I even finished one, I had another cold one in my other hand waiting to be consumed. My bestie was witness to the constant boozing. If I hadn’t ‘accidentally’ misplaced my half consumed beers I would’ve been well and truly trashed. I was a little paranoid about keeping sober in case I bumped into Hot Rocker. I didn’t want to do anything stupid and keeping sober was the only guarantee I wouldn’t do anything drastic.

My boy friends have been so keen for me to get over Chris that they’ve been trying to set me up with their friends. I mentioned that I thought a guy from one of the bands playing was a bit of a hottie and the next thing I know, as soon as the guitarist went off stage, I see my boys having a beer with him! They called me over but I was so embarrassed I ran away looking for one of my girl friends.

Even since that night when Chris busted any notion that we’d get together, I can’t stop seeing him. I want to see him all the time. I want to spend every night with him. My whole weekend. Every time I see him I pray he mentions something from that night. Something along the lines of “Wow I was smashed at that party. What I meant to say was how much I think you’re the bees knees and I want you!” But it’s like that night never happened. Not a lot has changed, except he has put an end to kissing. He was always the initiator but my confidence is so bruised that I wouldn’t dare make a move. I miss that excitement before he leant in for a kiss. Booo….

I don’t know why I can’t stop seeing him. I suppose there are a couple desirable outcomes. Firstly, by spending so much time with him, I get to know him more and realise how much of an asshole he really is and get over him. Or secondly, the more desirable outcome, we spend so much time together and he realises just how compatible we are and age really doesn’t make a difference.

I picked him up from work a few days ago and on the drive to his agency I kept thinking about what we would’ve been like as a couple. Whether we would’ve ended up living together? Who would’ve been the cook? Who would’ve been the cleaner? We work down the road from each other – would we go in the same car? Would he drop me off at work and pick me up? Or would he force me to drive myself to work because I’m constantly late?

I have gone insane and all this really doesn’t matter. But a girl can dream.