Things have taken a bit of a twist with Chris.
We spent two nights in a row together out with friends this week.
Ever since that night I spilled the beans, things have just not been the same. There’s an awkwardness and he goes to great lengths to make sure we’re just seen as friends. No kissing. No hand holding. No hugs. No physical contact what so ever. And even though I know I should be trying to get over him and that his barr on any physical contact rule is probably a good idea, I really miss it.
Every time we go to say goodbye now, I pray he kisses me like he used to, but if I’m lucky all I get is a wave. And that’s all. For some reason on the first night I saw him, it bothered me greatly. I was on a down and just wished things would go back to the way they were.
By the time I saw him the next night I had gone through a make over. I was dying for a transformation. I had been planning it for awhile and that night seemed like the perfect time to show off the new me. I coloured my hair pitch black and my stylist cut off my long tresses to a short bob and blunt straight thick fringe. I wore black boots and a black smock dress with heavy eyeliner and red lipstick. Everyone said I looked like a China doll. I felt renewed and sexy and wonderful.
So I met him for drinks with friends at our bar to show off the new me.
At first I gave him the cold shoulder and appeared to ignore him because he’s done it to me one too many times.
But I warmed tohim when he bought me my favourite drink and sat next to me. He flirted with me and I was cheeky and told him I was over him so flirting wasn’t going to get him anywhere with me. I told him he was far too old for me and he didn’t have a chance with a young pretty thing like me. He laughed and things between us were just like old times.
Except I was the one making the moves.
I kept rubbing my feet up his leg when he sat across the table from me and was having a conversation with the boys. He just kept grinning at me and I would give him a cheeky wink whenever he looked at me.
He whispered into my ear “You’re still into me. I know it.”
And I whispered back “You wish. I can do this because I am over you and you can’t have me”.
Of course any notion that I am over him is a complete and utter lie, but I feel more in control. I have no idea what I’m doing, but it does feel like old times and I am having fun. Whether I get my heartbroken again seems inevitable.
Now the real humdinger came at the end of the night.
Sure all the flirting and winks and touching was fun, but when he insisted on walking me to my car and leaned in and went in for one of our old time kisses, I knew I had hooked him again.
