That’s Stella

I have decided that everytime I have a horrible wrist slashing work day I am going to put $100 into a cookie jar.

‘Horrible wrist-slashing days’ can constitute the following:
*Run ins with undesireables
*Crying at work
*Writing or pondering what my resignation letter would say
*Day dreaming about slashing certain peoples tyres
*Generally feeling really terrible about my current situation…

Once I have had 30 horrible days, I would have $3,000 in the cookie jar and I am going to take all that money from the cookie jar and cash it in for a plane ticket back to New York.

Let me just say that I am well on my way.

Oh my goodness. How unfair. When Chris leaves, it seems I won’t have the option of forgetting my Chris worries by averting my attention to my previous crush Hot Rocker because Hot Rocker is leaving WITH Chris and starting at this new agency TOGETHER as a TEAM.

I wish they would just leave and send a mass email to everyone announcing that they’re gay and adopting a child from Africa. It would make me feel a lot better about getting turned down for being ‘too young’.

Chris actually did email me this week. But failed to mention he was LEAVING. We are going out next week for my birthday apparantly. I am going to pretend I don’t know about his new job and see if he tells me.

I got really cranky at work today. I sat looking at my pinboard for an hour, not answering calls and wishing I had enough money to leave and pack my bags to go back to New York. I’m just really angry that I’m not recognised for all the work I do and I am starting to realise that my role will always be like that of a nurse - not as recognised and not getting to bask in any glory.

I heard this really great quote from The Office
“It’s better to be on the bottom of a ladder you want to go up, rather than in the middle of a ladder you don’t”
Something like that. But I love it. And it inspires me to try be a creative but I’ve been saying it for the past year and haven’t actually done anything yet.

Admittedly though, New York is more of a priority right now than being a creative. If anything, New York is the number one place that could really inspire me to change route. At least I am actively working towards New York and getting a second job to fund it. It’s going to be rough. I already work at least 50 hours a week. But today I begged my old boss for some work. I use to get paid what I currently earn in one week for an hours work. Insane I know. But fingers crossed.

And I know what you’re thinking.

No. I was never a hooker.

It completely slipped my mind that my bestie from London was never planning on staying in Perth. I’ve been getting so use to having him around that I forgot that there was in fact a return date to London. To be honest, it is so rare to have so many of my favourite people in ONE city that I must admit I have been spoilt. But this week Londoner gave me one big reality check. He would be leaving at the end of June.

(!!!!!!!)

When he told me, I must admit I was a little neurotic and clutched Miss. 23’s arm (who was driving at the time) and made her promise she wouldn’t leave me and skip the country or state or CITY.

You could say I was feeling quite vulnerable. Very vulnerable indeed.

Then came the news today that two of my friends were leaving Perth for Shanghai and Ireland.

But then came the real blow.

Chris was leaving Perth to take up a senior creative position overseas.

Ouch.

I was in this intense meeting with clients this morning when half way through, my colleague (who has known Chris for 15 years) joins us and whispers in my ear “I just got an email from Chris. He’s leaving Perth.” I was so stunned I nearly cried. It was just the worst possible way to hear it. There I was in this shit of a meeting and I was so shocked and I couldn’t concentrate. All I wanted to do was walk out and check my email. But when the meeting was finally over TWO hours later, there was no email in my inbox. There was no email telling me he was leaving in a month and where he was going to, ZIP.

Fine. So we never ended up together but we’ve always been friends and fuck did it hurt to not get the news from him.

I know I’ve been saying I’m over him and I KNOW how wrong he is for me and I KNOW I do deserve someone better, but I am still completely smitten by him. If he knocked on my door tomorrow and asked me to go with him, it’s sad to think that I 100% would be up for it.

MAN I am really pissed off because I am convinced I am the person most desperate to leave this city and it seems like everyone else is leaving instead of me. I especially wanted to leave before Chris. So that I was the one REALLY ending things by putting a few oceans and seas between us. I wanted him to be the one coming to my good bye party and realising how much he needed me and begging me to stay and me telling him that I was in love with someone and that someone was New York.

I am developing an unhealthy attachment to my fringe.
I love my thick fringe. Sometimes I can barely see as it covers my eyes, but I love that I can hide behind it.
Now the thought of anyone seeing my naked forehead makes me cringe which is an issue because the reality is, when summer comes round, there is no way that thick security blanket fringe of mine is staying put.
Not that it doesn’t have it’s issues when it’s winter.
When it’s windy, I scramble for my fringe like it’s a bald mans toupe. So I have resorted to putting my hand on my forehead when there’s any sign of even a light breeze to avoid it from flying away. My boy friends have a great laugh about it and now walk down the street with me with their hands pinned to their heads to mask my insecurity of revealing my nogin.

My girl friend and I stumbled across this little candy store a block away from work that sells Reeces Peanut Butter Cups! How could I resist, even with the criminal $2.80 price tag! I really miss white chocolate Reeces mini cups. Oh please for the love of God, could someone please send me a package of white Reeces cups? MmmMMMM…

Last night I met my two besties (one local and one Londoner) for a delicious Japanese dinner at Matsuri. I skipped a main and instead had a few pieces of Salmon sushi and a couple of entrees (vegetable tempura and karaage).

After dinner we went for a drive to Mount Hawthorne then settled at my favourite cafe, Oxford 130’s in Leederville for some Aranciatta Rosas, coffees and lemon meringue pie and chocolate mouse cheesecake. We people watched from our booth, played connect four and chatted and laughed. I couldn’t have had better company and I am going to miss the Londoner when he says Ciao for now.