That’s Stella

Three things that make me sad right now:
1. Working 15-17 hour days. Being completely overworked. Really. Sucks.
2. Not being able to afford to go back to Perth to spend Christmas with my family.
3. Being completely unfulfilled at work and contemplating a career change.

Three things that make me happy right now:
1. The start of fall - no more yucky summer days.
2. Romantic crush in the work place.
3. Holiday plans - Paris and Toronto next year? LA for Thanksgiving?

Before I go on, I have to say, I love the industry I’m in. I love advertising. I love the creative aspect. The way it can make someone fall in love with a brand - look at Apple. They could sell a stick of gum for $50 and people would be lining up around the block to get a taste. But I hate my job, which sucks now that I’m at a managerial level and finally earning money. But I can’t shake the urge to do something a little more creative. This time next year, I want to be in my dream position.

Remember the Guy At The Bar? It took a couple weeks of hanging out to pass the romantic uncertainness, but now he’s a purely platonic, great buddy that I’m so thankful to have. He’s happy to hang out and not do anything productive. He cooks and invites me over for dinner all the time. He enjoys outdoor drinking just as much as I do. He’s my gig buddy. When I’m MIA, he checks up on me to make sure I’m alive and surviving work.

Summer is officially over! I’ll miss all the free outdoor music gigs and outdoor drinking in the afternoon sun and bright blue skies and wearing flip flops to work, but everyone keeps telling me how beautiful NY is in fall and I’m already starting to feel the change. The chill in the morning on the walk to work and on the way home. How darkness hits after 6 and the cool breeze that mess up my bangs. And I have to admit, the romance of fall. My crush on a colleague (who is completely unattainable) couldn’t come at a more depressing time! The number of kissing couples on the street and lovers wrapped in each others arms have grown tenfold. Please make it stop.

Does anyone else besides me think that being a ‘grown up’ is completely overrated? This is the first time I’m really, really living away from home. I’ve lived in NY before and traveled and so on, but I always knew I was coming back to Perth after a given time period and could stay with my parents and live happily without any major bills to take care off, etc. But NOW… now that I know New York will be home for awhile and I’m 24 years old and need to be independent, well… for the first time I feel like I’m saying HELLO REALITY. If I could talk to the 15 year old me who wanted to grow up and be ‘FREE’ (HA! Yeah right) I would tell myself that writing out cheques every month really sucks balls and budgeting so you can live in a big city and survive, really, really, sucks the big one! In saying all that, I still want to say - I LOVE NY.

I have been working really hardcore this week. I’m talking getting into work at 9:30am and leaving by 1am the next morning THEN coming into the office at 7:00am. My gay boyfriend had a show on for NY fashion week showcasing his new line, and I am nearly cried when I finished work at 10pm on Friday and knew I had completely missed it. I keep calling and leaving messages to apologise but he’s been completely ignoring my calls.

When I got to NY I made a rule that I wouldn’t work on weekends - that it would be completely out of the question. And this weekend I broke the rule - my client had a freak out about something that happened in the media and we had to deal with it. It really brought down my weekend. And I keep telling myself, all we do is make advertisements. We’re not saving lives here. I remember reading this in a great advertising book and a few wiser older ones have told me, you’ll never remember why you stayed at work till midnight but you’ll always remember that amazing vacation you took. In other words, don’t sacrifice your personal time for something that isn’t all that important and something you won’t remember in 10 years time. And I need to keep telling myself that.