That’s Stella

I spent Saturday night at home. Alone. In New York City. It’s not like I don’t have amazing friends who called me to go out for a drink last night - thank god for my friends. But if anyone asks, I went out and had a rip roaring time.

I was really crabby and couldn’t bring myself to go out. I blamed it on Jason. It wasn’t a far stretch that he was the cause of my sudden change in mood since he told me that he would be spending his Saturday night having drinks with another Aussie girl that his friend was trying to set him up with.

We’re not going out. We’re not exclusive. But spending every day with him and having unresolved feelings, I can’t help but feel a bit shafted. It made it worse that this chick is Australian because in my crazy head I feel he’s just replacing me.

He kept texting me to see if I wanted to meet up - which in reality means the date with the other girl didn’t go so great. But I ignored him. Haha! Talk about being a woman. He kept texting…. hey?….so?…..where are you? I texted back saying I’d speak to him in the morning. So he started calling me… till 3am. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. You know, generally when I give the silent treatment, I want the other person to know what they had done to deserve the silence. But in this case, I really did not want Jason to know and hence why I couldn’t bring myself to pick up his calls for fear I’d let something slip. He called me this morning and kept asking if I was ok… what was wrong. He said I was never grumpy so it had to be something.

When I looked in the mirror I realized I had 2 pimples - one smack bang on the tip of my nose. I’ve been having stomach cramps for the past 2 days. And whilst I’m not discounting how I really feel about the situation, I’m sure it doesn’t help that it’s just that time of the month.

On Friday Jason left for Los Angeles to visit his family. On the cab ride to JFK he kept texting me random messages - that he was looking forward to seeing his family, and that he was going to have a “Happy Hour” at the airport and he’d have a drink for me. I spent Friday night at home relaxing and it felt SO good to just chill out on my own in my new home.

I was running around doing errands on Saturday and ended my busy day doing grocery shopping. I always have recipes on hand and decided to pick up some ingredients to make a cottage pie. Whilst shopping, I get a text from Jason saying he was already sloshed at this family reunion dinner and hoped he wouldn’t have any embarrassing stories to tell me when he got back. He gave me a running commentary the whole night till I stopped replying him/he was too intoxicated.

On Sunday afternoon he texted me as soon as he arrived back in NY and asked what I was up to. I told him I was cooking my cottage pie, but I could meet him for our traditional Sunday night drink at 7ish. Fifteen minutes later, I get a call from him asking if he could come over to hang out. He sat at our chef’s island whilst he watched me cook, helping out here and there, taking out hot stuff from the oven, etc… I was putting cheese on top of the mashed potatoes, and all of a sudden Jason is lying on the floor next to the kitchen sick fixing our loose tap. I mean, it was kinda a big turn on seeing him have such initiative and doing the man things about the place.

Once the pie was cooked, I set up our dining table, lit candles on the table and on our fire place mantle, and served us dinner. It was SO much fun. He reminds me what it’s like to have a boyfriend, and all I can say is, I am so ready already.

Exactly a month ago I was saying Jason and I were hanging out every weekend, but every weekend has turned into seeing each other every other day. What we have going has completely baffled my friends. Everyone has defined it as “DATING - but without the good stuff”.

When we go out, we hold hands. We cuddle. He puts his arms around my waist as we walk the streets of NY at night. We whisper in each others ears even when the room is silent and there’s no one around. We pay each other these amazing compliments. He sleeps over at night and takes care of me when I’m sloshed. I mean, it’s all a little spew-worthy if you ask me.

I love that we’ll spend Saturday night together and I’ll get home at 4am. By 11am I’ll have a message from him asking if I want to meet for a Bloody Mary. We’ll spend the whole day together just chilling out.

I love that he invites me to anything he’s got planned and introduces me to all his friends. The other night we were out and his friend (who has a gf and is definitely NOT interested in me) messaged me asking what I was up to. He surprised Jason when he showed up. He tells everyone I know his friends better then he does.

I love that he makes a great “plus one”. I had a work function the other night and I brought him as my partner - everyone loved him. My director loved him. All the girls thought he was delicious dreamboat.

I mean, I have to admit I love what he has done for my ego/confidence. When I’m with him, I think how cool he is and wonder if other cool guys would hang out with me like he does. I think, wow, if this cute guy is kissing me, maybe some other cute guy will kiss me. But seeing each other as often as we do, there is never the chance of meeting someone else…

It’s 11pm and I am still at work.

I have been super stressed out lately. It makes me want to go back to Perth. (Temporarily.)

I think I’m going back to Perth in September for a couple of weeks. I can’t wait for the feeling when the plane wheels hit the tarmac at Perth airport. And seeing my parents. And hugging my Poodle. And being in awe of seeing my nice big home that is a mansion compared to shoebox NY apartments. And seeing familiar faces.

Favorite album of the moment - Wolfgang Amadeus by Phoenix. Check it.