That’s Stella

Eric convinced me to ask out John for drinks. It wasn’t a major leap because Eric, John and I had already discussed hanging out on Saturday night. So I messaged him.

“Hi! Great to meet you last night. What are you up to tonight? Interested in meeting up for drinks? Stella”

No reply. Rejection! To be honest, I knew there was a big chance that would happen. Unfortunately, as much as we got along, I kinda knew feelings weren’t reciprocated. Eric has been harping on that he thinks I’m scared of rejection and that’s what stops me from getting out there. I love that he tells me this like it’s some big revelation, but I doesn’t take Einstein to figure that one out. This is 100% true. So even though this is going to sound retarded, I almost wanted rejection from John so I could feel the pain of rejection, and see how I dealt with getting over it.

So I headed out with my girlfriends on Saturday night. Eric joined us and pushed me to talk to random men. After he left, me and my friend headed to one bar in the East Village. By this time, it was 2am and I was a happy drunk and feeling flirty and sexy. I kept glancing at this cute guy who stood alone behind us at the bar, but was occasionally talking to some Asian girl. He wore plaid and was tall and did I mention he was cute? Soon enough, he came over and started chatting to me. My friend felt like the 3rd wheel and disappeared to the toilets. I’m chatting to this guy Sean, and we start making out at the bar. We couldn’t have given a toss about who we were, what we did, our background, etc.. which I think is the reason I felt so sketchy about the whole situation.

He was begging me to leave the bar with him. If he wasn’t so cute I would’ve walked away after his “smooth line” of “How would you feel about seeing me naked?”. But I was lapping up the attention. It was a major ego boost after such a dry season and it was just what I needed. By 3am, the bar was emptying out and Sean and I headed to the back of the bar where it was pitch black and my girl friend was dancing with this tall mammoth of a man. I know this is going to sound juvenile, but as we made out in the corner, I gave him a hand job. Hah. A hand job! Yes, i am 25 years old and gave a hand job to some random guy at a bar. But like I said, it was pitch black. He asked to go back to my place, but I just was not feeling it. I’ve been complaining to my friends for months about my poor sex life, and here was this guy, cute and eager, and I couldn’t feel it. I dragged my girl friend outside and asked what I should do… she walked me to the curb, popped me in a cab and told me it wasn’t worth it. So yes. I left this poor guy at the bar wondering where I was. And whilst I felt really bad the next morning, I had no regrets.