That’s Stella

A new girl joined our agency today. We all work in an open space sharing big desks. People are pretty precious about who shares their desk. We’re on a big table of 6 and up until the start of summer, we had a perfect little possie - we were one big happy family, till three girls quit the ad industry all together.

I suppose since our table was pretty bare, they sat the new girl with us.

It was her first day and she wore jeans and a white tank top with her belly button showing. The HR director took her around and the new girl kept calling the director “Hun”. “Thanks Hun.” “No worries Hun”. Her ball point pen rolled off her desk and on the floor and she screamed “Oh no!” and made sure everyone on our floor heard about it. She screams into the phone and has to make a noise and make her presence known. Any little twitch is heard. Any little movement and someone on the other side of the building can hear it. Here’s the bitchy girl in me, but oh god she is so annoying!!!

And to top it all off? She’s a Kiwi.

Don’t get me wrong. I have friends from New Zealand, but since Flight of the Conchords, everyone plays up this big rivalry between Australia and New Zealand and this just makes it worse. Everyone keeps asking if we’re going to wrestle and if they need to keep us apart.

I got back from a meeting in the afternoon and had two instant messages from two friends who sit a few desks away.

Phil “I don’t care what that new girl’s name is - she’s officially called Loud Mouth”.

Amy “Don’t hate me for saying this, but that Australian chick needs to pipe down or else her face is going to meet my fist”.

Hooray for friends.

*please note - I do not really condone violence. Not all the time anyway.

Well, it’s been an interesting few weeks since my best friend hooked up with GB. At first it started out as just a bit of fun and excitement. But it got out of hand when she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. The whole office found out. Then people she went to highschool with found out. People from her past called her out of the blue to get the story. Chicks in the office who never had any interest in hanging out with her all of a sudden were asking what her weekend plans were. It was ridiculous!!

I was away in Chicago for business and didn’t see it first hand, but on Monday when she returned to work and told everyone, her bosses and random colleagues were coming up to her every 10 minutes asking if he had texted back, some were even so blatantly rude/annoying and rifling through her bag to find her cell phone to check if she had received any new messages! INSANITY! What is wrong with people?!

All this attention and expectations really fucked over my friend. Her bosses said that if she was planning a rendezvous with GB, she could take a day off the next day and not feel bad about it - they just wanted to hear all about it. Which I suppose is cool that her bosses were encouraging of her to take a day off after shagging GB, but it’s not very cool that they were also constantly grilling her for updates.

A week later, after many lectures and crying and all that BS, she has learnt to keep her mouth shut. She’s told everyone it’s over - that he stopped messaging. Only me and another girlfriend (plus her mom) know what’s actually going on. The insanity has stopped, but the crafting of late night text messages has not!

In two hours, I am going to meet Jason’s new girlfriend. We were seeing each other intensely earlier this year, but now he has become one of my best friends. I’ve met his family and my dad has added him as one of his Facebook friends so there’s no backing out now. There are no romantic feelings whatsoever. How do I know this? After I realized the thought of shagging him repulsed me, I figured pursuing anything romantically serious with him was probably a bad idea. I should set things straight. He is one handsome guy - whenever I introduced him to friends they would harp on about how good looking he is, but what can I say? There was just no sexual chemistry.

He’s been seeing this girl for a month and called me on Friday to say things had progressed and were now using the “bf” and “gf” terms. Spew. I am really fucking nervous about meeting her. Jason said to me “She knows all about you - and she’s going to treat you like a princess”. Jason hasn’t said the most positive things about her so I’m slightly cautious.

I keep thinking… What should I wear? What if she hates me? What if I hate her? Do I tell him? Will this effect our friendship? Will he chose me over her? Is this going to last? Is it worth becoming friends with her? Oh god… I hope I don’t have to hang out with her every time I hang out with Jason. I hope she’s not too pretty. I wish I was slightly threatening looking….

The other day, our friend Johnny got back from a trip overseas and called me to catch up for a drink. We usually hang out in our group of friends that consists of me and five boys. I met all the boys through Jason because he went to college with them and I am super close to all of them but am definitely the odd one out being the only chick and foreigner. Johnny asked “So how are my boys doing?” But he quickly went to correct himself and said “Or should I say, how are your boys doing?”.

But am I losing a boy? Is Jason no longer one of “my boys”? I am insane.