Fine. So I’m going out on one last date with him tonight. So sue me!
After a month of seeing Mr. London I’m always surprised how shy I am when we initially meet up. Within 10 minutes of our date we act like we’ve been together for years and I couldn’t be more comfortable, but it always takes a little encouragement from him to get things going. Man, I am anything but shy so I’m baffled why I’m always a little reserved at first, but when I think about it, maybe it’s a conscious effort not to lay all my cards on the table.
The other night when we went out for drinks, I sat a metre away from him at the bar and in seconds he was grabbing my chair from underneath me whilst I was on it and pulled me close to him. He pulled me so close we were cheek to cheek, forehead to forehead, lips to lips. He said “Don’t be so shy” and I could feel my cheeks (on my face that is) go cherry red. By the end of every date, saying goodbye is always this long ordeal and I have to tear myself away from him.
One of my male besties Hin gave me advice a year ago to date a man and give up seeing silly boys who made me cry and wasted my time. Enter Mr. London. When I first met him, I knew this was the type that of guy that Hin was talking about. It’s amuses me greatly thinking how much Hin would get along with him and approve of Mr. London.
It’s not just the fact that Mr. London is 11 years my senior that sets him apart from the boys, but I love that what you see is what you get. He’s a real thinker. He’s super creative. He has this open mind and brilliant sense of humour. He gets a tick for every criteria I look for except the no baggage criteria. Mr. London has plenty of it.
Baggage 1 – He still loves his ex girlfriend (they were together for 8 years)
Baggage 2 – He has been dating someone else for a year (non-exclusively)
Man, I do a good job of making him sound like the bad guy, but I must admit that he told me all this on our first date. Of course I was put out of place and a little pissed off because I haven’t met a guy I’ve been so compatible with, so…. admittedly, I was the devilish (perhaps stupid?) Lolita who pursued things with him despite everything and I’m the one who started the touchy feelies and so and so. I was even more spurred on after my latest renewal.
I suppose by continuing to see him I just wanted to keep my options open till I decided how I wanted to go about things. If I didn’t like him so much I wouldn’t have a problem with him seeing someone else and it would be just a whole lot of fun to keep me distracted from other things, but after getting to know him, I’m definitely having a problem with it.
So… the time has come where I have made my decision.
I’m going to stop dating him.
*sob sob*
In a few weeks I start work at his agency. I said awhile ago that I would rather a job at his agency then him. I can’t say that’s completely true now (my how things change!), but I would rather have nothing in my way of getting a permanent position there whilst keeping him as a friend. To lose him as a friend would be pure stupidity.
Also…I’m not head over heels in love with him to go to great efforts to win him over.
And finally…in a fairy tale sort of reason - I have every intention to stick around in his life because the more we see each other, perhaps the more chance he’ll see what a super couple we’d make OR the more chance for me to see if it’s just not meant to be.
Number of times this morning at work that I picked up my phone to ring Mr. London then continuing to put it down - 6
Number of times I started writing an email “Hey Mr. London…” then continuing to delete it during my day - 17
I really want to take him up on that offer to meet for a catch up…
But handsome men are like drugs.
Addictive and dangerous!
But listen… if you think I should get in touch with him… then I trust you to tell me…
However random you are internet surfer, I trust your judgement…
Just say the word…
My blog has really changed since my first one that I started up a few years ago. I feel like I’ve been withholding a lot of information and been careful and so on…. how boring. I mean, the main reason for this is admittedly telling a handful of real life friends about this site. But now that I’m being sensitive to others (haha) I don’t have anything I can really blog about….
But I’ve decided that I’m not going to hold back anymore. Plus I figure my real life thoughts must surely be a tid bit more interesting than some rambles that I’m hosing down for fear of who it could shock…?
Anyway…. the new me starts now.
I have a crush. The dreaded crush (who shall be known as Mr. London). I’ve avoided having a crush for most of the year now, but heck, with this guy I can’t help but let my eyes glaze over at work and think about what our life would be like together and where we’d go on our honeymoon and how we’d furnish our first home and whether we’d name our first son Alex or Christian. I was at work yesterday when I saw him walk past my office. I told my boss I was going to the toilet, and ran outside (no, I really RAN) to see him - which was awfully difficult in the tightest pencil skirt ever. I mean, I thought I was close to splitting my skirt and having to explain myself for public exposure. Of course when I came within viewing distance of him, I broke out into a casual stroll. We had a big catch up and he explained he was at my office to shoot our location for a commercial. Yes… he is in the same industry as me…
An older mutual friend of ours introduced the two of us a couple months ago - my friend was strictly introducing me to his friend as a business contact. Of course he didn’t say this word by word, but it was pretty much implied that our relationship had to be a professional one. My friend was doing me a huge favour by introducing Mr.London (because Mr. London works as a director at my favourite agency and could give me the inside info) so I was more than obliging to agree to be professional and proper, that is, till I met Mr. London. I remember shaking his hand and all my brain registered was “PWOARRR! HOT!!! I’m never washing my hand again!”. We went out for lunch, and not only was he completely handsome, but he was amazingly kind and had my sense of humour and intelligent and well travelled and knew what good music sounds like and we just meshed. Also the fact the he is a creative and making money out of it, completely and utterly turns me on.
Anyway after our lunch, we kept in touch, but just as my friend wanted, it was strictly professional. But after seeing him yesterday, I don’t know if I want to be professional about it!! But then again, I would rather a job at his agency then HIM. Does that not sound completely awful????! That I would chose career over potential love? Hahah!! Actually it doesn’t surprise me, but when I’m a 70 year old spinster, I might regret being this way.
Despite both being on work time, we had a looooonnnnng catch up and he asked me to give him a call so we could have a proper catch up. Now, in my head I’m thinking
“HOT YEAH! He likes me! Hold on…if he REALLY liked me, he would ring ME, otherwise he’s just not that into me!” So despite him wanting to catch up, I was still on a down that if he really liked me, I wouldn’t have to be the one to ring him… RIGHT?
Then I got to thinking…
Maybe Mr. London is trying to be professional about it?
Maybe he thinks I’m not interested in him?
It’s not like I’ve been at all obvious (I’m sure he didn’t see me run)
Maybe he thinks I’m too young?
I’m turning 22 in two months and he’s 10 years my senior?
But when I think of all these excuses, I can hear my boy friends dismissing these excuses, saying that none of these things would stop a guy from chasing a girl if he REALLY liked them….
So in that case… maybe he just doesn’t like me?
Argh I think too much. I know I should just be happy that next week we’ll have a nice lunch filled with conversation and laughs, but what I would give to exchange a pleasant lunch for a night of drunken debauchery!!!!!!
(Followed of course by a relationship… and a son named Alex….)
Well… I’d give anything but a job at his agency that is….
This evening in Adams bathroom I did that thing that we woman apparently do. Truthfully, it was my first time doing it, but in movies and such they tend to make out that this is purely a WOMAN thing to do, and that is to check out medicine cabinets in a man’s bathroom.
Seriously, I’ve never had any particular desire to do this because I could imagine a medicine cabinet could be filled with little horrors you’d just prefer turning a blind eye to. But just like society’s pressures and exclusivity of joining mile high clubs and backpacking through Europe and other little social cliches, I felt like raiding the medicine cabinet was one thing I could tick off my list of things to do.
So I did. It was bare. I was a little disappointed. There wasn’t even any paracetamol or cotton buds.
There was however a bottle of Hugo by Hugo Boss cologne. This is my favourite men’s cologne. THIS and Aqua Di Gio seriously makes me want to devour a guy. Okay… that sounds a little nasty, but you get my message. So one of my weird things I like to do is associate certain smells with certain people, just like I associate certain songs with certain cities because it brings back memories. When I think of New York I think of Coming In From The Cold by the Delgados. When I think of London I think of Uncle Pat by Ash. When I think of the smell of coffee, I think of Subiaco Markets, etc…
So I put the bottle of Hugo up to my nose and take a whiff. Ahhhh heaven! I open up the bottle to get more of a whiff and FARK! The bottle drops on the ground and the cologne is slowly gurgling out the bottle as if in slow motion. FARK X 1000
I quickly pick up the bottle and violently yank metres of toilet paper to clean up my evidence. I flush it down the loo and return the bottle to it’s original position in the medicine cabinet praying that Adam doesn’t suspect a thing. I spray a bit of my own perfume (Sui Love by Anna Sui) that I keep in my bag in his bathroom to drown out the Hugo.
I join him on the couch in the lounge and during conversation Miss. 23 who is totally oblivious to what happened in the bathroom questions who in the group smells so lovely. I could’ve thumped her if she was sitting next to me! She could obviously smell the wreaking sensation of overpowering cologne and I pipe up and say it must be Adam.
“Yeah maybe.” He says.
“What are you wearing? Hugo right?” I question him.
“Nah Aqua Di Gio. My housemate uses Hugo”
FAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRK x 10000000000
Spilling housemates cologne kinda puts a stinker on our relationship.
Spending the night at Adam’s last night made me remember why all those years ago I had the slightest inkling to do psychology. To think that in my first year of uni I was on my way to a future in clinical psychology, I can only look back and ponder how much drugs I must’ve been on for me to come up with such a bad career choice. But when I do think back to those years, hell, I wasn’t even on drugs so really the only clear justification must be STUPIDITY. Perhaps all that deafening rock music and massive alcohol consumption in high school did have an overall long term side effect.
In my teens everyone realised I had this uncanny ability to break anyone. I’m not even talking exclusively about friends. I could get my friends, cute boys, teachers and random strangers to pour out their heart and soul to me. Perhaps there was no one else to speak to? Perhaps it was my honest face? Perhaps it’s the whole Asian thing and just like that Donna Chang Seinfeld episode, people think that I could dish out some wise Chinese proverbs and wisdom? Who the hell knows! But after I started getting into psych, I realised it was my ego that kept me in psych. I didn’t give a crap about peoples problems. What a way to drag down your life with other peoples worries. So yeah, I took the ethical path and figured I’d use my powers of persuasion and manipulation in advertising and business instead.
Of course when it comes to friends it’s a totally different issue. I want to know what’s going on in my friends lives. And I do care and would hope they would turn to me for a chat and have all the time in the world for them. So last night Adam and I were on serious mode and he had a rant about how I don’t really know him and that he has issues and that he couldn’t and wouldn’t tell me and that he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about it. Three hours later, 3am in the morning, he’s worn and frazzled and bug eyed and baffled how I got him to spill the beans.
He’s generally closed off and reserved when it comes to feelings, etc.
It was a proud moment.
Fitzgerald - Has the boss had a few words with you?
Stella - Yeah… we’ve talked…
Let me guess.. “hey”, “hello”, “how are ya?”?
Hahah yeah… he said “impressive” to me the other day.
IMPRESSIVE? I worked here for 3 months and he never said one word to me and you’ve been working here a week and get “Impressive”!?
Yeah… but he was talking about my salad.
Fitzgerald erupts into the biggest laugh.
I love work. I get up at 6am and actually look forward to what work has in store for me. One thing for sure, I know they’ll be laughter and gossip and plenty of inspiration. It’s fantastic. I’m sad that it ends this week, but we’ll see what happens. I’ve made some great contacts and good friends that will help me out. And this experience is going to look fab on my resume.
I have a crush on someone at work. It was bound to happen when males make up 3/4 of the office. When I’m on my lonesome and he’s not too busy he comes into my office to check up on me and joke around. After he leaves my office I’m off with the fairies. I stare at the carpet in front of me and imagine how hot our children would look.
Phew! The Big Day Out has come and gone and I am not baring any bruises, sunburn or damage to my bank balance. The past few days have been agony, tossing around the idea of braving the Big Day Out and contemplating how much I really wanted to go. Well, conclusion is, I didn’t want to go all that much. Usually at this time of the year, I’m taunting my Perth friends with tales of seeing top bands playing 15 minutes away from home in New York.
This year… I had to suck it up. It serves me right.
There are too many reasons why I refuse to go to the BDO. A few include:
1. Being vertically challenged, I really don’t get to see the bands I want to see. In fact, I don’t get to see ANY band. I’m paying to see heads and backs. Yes, it is true, sometimes it does suck being short.
2. The cost - $100+ just to HEAR bands? I think not.
3. The crowds - so not worth it
4. The sun - impossible to enjoy an outdoor festival when the sun is searing and the temperatures are nearing 40C.
Anyway I’m happy with my decision. The only bands I really wanted to see were Kings of Leon, The Go! Team and Iggy Pop and realistically even if I went, I wouldn’t have seen them anyhoo.
Last night (the night before the BDO) my friends and I had a few drinks with some of the bands playing at the BDO. However, the whole night Sazz and I were on a look out for Iggy Pop, praying that he would stumble by us and spill a drink and it’d be enough to cause some conversation. But when the night started getting a little exciting we made a pact that if we saw Pop, we wouldn’t talk to him.
We decided that if we did meet him and we were sorely disappointed, it might ruin our perceptions of the man and could drive us to the brink of burning his cds and other violent hate campaigns.
Frankly, I love his music way too much to discover that he’s some prick. I know that he’s meant to be some nice guy, but I’m a hard girl to please.
Not meaning to brag (except that I am going to to prove my point), when you’ve had bands sing a love song for you on stage in front of hundreds of people or you’ve had your rock star crush give you a big smooch or got wasted with your favourite group or had a famous band drive you home after their show, it kinda heightens ones expectations.
So I figure realistically, the only way I’ll be satisfied with an encounter with Iggy Pop is if he was so charmed by me that he begged me to take him on a road trip and allowed me to play Lust For Life on repeat till we hit our secluded destination or if he offered himself to me or if he rolled around naked in peanut butter and we had a jello wrestling match after. Oh boy am I going to have sweet dreams tonight!
I can’t explain it, but despite his cocaine face, there is something so attractive about the man.
Jack is this buff punky rocker with a lip ring, unruly mop of hair and a permanant look on his face that says “Don’t fuck with me”. But he’s always the first one to wash the dishes at my house. And Racer is this gorgeous blonde with a pretty boy face - the type that wears striped polo shirts with the collar up - Elvis style. Who would ever know they would be best friends? This is what made me laugh on a balmy afternoon by the river at Point Walter.
The boys are swimming in the river.
Jack flinches when a jellyfish touches his leg.
Jack - Wanna eat that jellyfish?
Racer - I will if you will man
Jack - Yeah okay
Jack pulls at a dead jellyfish floating by and it’s tentacle comes off. They’re both closely inspecting their meal, probably deciding whether or not they have the balls to go through with it.
Racer- I’ll take the small piece
Jack - I’ll take the bigger piece then
They put it in their mouth. Moments later they have the same look of disgust on their face and both of them scoops up salty river water to wash down the jellyfish.
Racer - That’s bad. It’s like swallowing a loogie.
Jack - Whoa man. A moment ago I was kinda freaked out when it touched my leg. Yet I can still eat it.
Racer - Dude, am I glowing?
I was close to piking on Pat’s gig at the Hydey. There were so many birthday parties last night. But I justified choosing Pat’s gig because I hardly ever see him and turns out an old friend of mine I use to work with on radio was headlining the gig and I haven’t seen him since my 18th birthday. It turned out to be a huge reunion like night. Memories and people from the days when I was an indie kid and sported pink flamingo hair and donned crazy little outfits came rushing back. I’m still an indie kid at heart tho. My work buddy is still the nice guy that he is, but seems to have mellowed out. Then there was a girl I use to be really close to. She’s in a “fake band” (she said they can’t play instruments or sing but get up on stage and pretend to play music) and is completely self absorbed! It was painful talking to her. I just don’t know how she could warrant being so far up herself. I’m sorry, but being in some phony band and on the dole does not make you the bees knees.
During the night I had pangs of regret for leaving the scene. To be completely honest, they were fun days. But then again, I could have been having all these feelings because I hadn’t seen so many good looking guys in once place for a LOONG time. Every second guy was some cute indie boy. Check shirts. All star sneakers. Black skinny leg jeans. Cowboy shirts. 80’s vintage sweaters. Aloofness. And FLOPPY HAIR. Awww…
Pat’s band was pretty impressive. Loud. Catchy. Strokes influenced. The whole night I was intrigued by his drummer. He is absolutely stunningly cute, but he looked familiar and I just couldn’t put my finger on who he looked like…. This morning I finally realised he looks like Andy Samberg (check out the David Letterman clip – v. funny story).
After drinking too much beer, we went to The Moon Café and shared a chocolate pizza and fries with aioli sauce and played Monopoly. Argh! I’m completely addicted to Monopoly! When we finally left the Moon at around 2 in the morning, we decided to go buy some sparklers and headed to Kings Park, fired them up and ran around the park overlooking the city.
Good music, cute indie boys, fries, Monopoly, sparklers and views - now THAT is my kinda night!
My dinner party on the weekend went brilliantly. There were more people than I had intended to invite. Initially it was just going to be a small affair, but when you have 30+ people in a particular group of friends (not even including school friends, uni mates and random buddies), it’s hard to narrow down an invitation list to ten. I ended up having 14 over and received “Where was my invitation to your dinner party?” remarks the next day from the rest of the 15+ who weren’t invited. It’s great having such a huge group of friends because there’s always something to do, but you’re bound to offend someone when you attempt to have a small gathering.
Before dinner the boys decided to jump in my pool and naturally, after much screaming and kicking and resistance, Brad and Ryan chucked me into the freezing pool. I knew I should’ve stayed in the kitchen finishing cooking the crackling roast pork, but I couldn’t resist the balmy summer night and it was a real treat seeing the guys and gals just lazing poolside.
After midnight most people started leaving. Adam had come around to my place earlier that day to hang out and he met my parents. I wondered why I was graced with his presence a little earlier and as I found out, it was because he too had to leave around midnight to get up early that morning. I begged him to stay. When he arrived at my place, he was looking like the first time I met him (boyish and handsome) and throughout the night I had high hopes of him staying over and going for a late night swim and toasting marshmallows outside and such. But my powers of persuasion were weak that night. Before he left and I was saying goodbye to our friends, I saw Adam doodling on a napkin and he went into my bedroom. He came out a few minutes later and I walked him to his car. We leant against his car hugging for sometime, till it hit me that Jeremy was still inside.
Jeremy ended up staying over till 4am. We just sat on my couch talking. No naughty business, especially after the following conversation:
Me – So… you’re like…. 24? 25 years old? Right?
Jeremy – what makes you say that?
Me – Well, Hunter and Brad and all that are 24. You look around mid 20s? What? Am I far off? How old are you?
Jeremy – 19
Me- WHAT!!!!!!!???????
Jeremy – What? How old are you?
Me – 21!!!!
Jeremy – Oh yeah, turning 21 this year right?
Me – NO! Turning 22!
Jeremy – Oh….
<silence>
Me – YOU’RE 19 YEARS OLD?? Are you sure?
That is awkward…
A one year younger age gap makes me cringe, let alone two!
After Jeremy left and I was about to go to bed, I opened my desk drawer to get my Blistex and there inside my drawer was a folded napkin that I assumed Adam had hidden. I unfolded the napkin and when I saw what was on it, I was in awe. There on the napkin was a picture of a funny stick man with an arrow pointing at him saying “ADAM” and a speech bubble coming out of the stickmans mouth saying,
“I LOVE STELLA”.
OOOoo seems I have been tagged by Ted! I will get onto it Teddy…
I decided to throw a dinner party this Saturday night and well… because I’m not completely petty I thought I’d invite Jeremy since all his mates would be coming over. I texted him an invite and didn’t hear from him till the next day…
“hello hello hello! I have come to a conclusion about Saturday night and after serious consideration and shuffling of my busy schedule, I am going to be there!”
I replied… “Ooo I don’t know how to tell you this, but after serious consideration I’ve decided you’re not invited anymore. You kinda take too long to reply msgs :-/ This is a little awkward”
After a few minutes Jeremy texts back “Oh…I’m used to rejection”
I continue to reply “I’m sorry, it’s not me, it’s you!
Aww but because I take pity on you fool, you’re still invited. Come over at 7”
Last night I went to JB Hi Fi and bought the new Strokes album “First Impressions of Earth”. I haven’t had a chance to listen to it yet, but my JB HI FI boy was raving on about the album saying it was darker and different to their past albums. I tell ya what, the album jacket and lyrics is a work of art.
I have the BIGGEST crush on JB hifi boy. He definitely ranks a lot higher on the scale of interest than Jeremy. He’s just so HOT. Every time I see him I just want to jump him. He makes me swoooooon baby!
Last night I planned to just pop in quickly to JB to get The Strokes CD and rush out to meet the girls for dinner. Of course I had every intention to sneak a peak at him since I haven’t seen him since Christmas, but when I went to grab The Strokes off the shelf, I hear a “Well hello hello!” and there he was standing behind me. An hour and half later, I’m finally walking out of JB and in deep trouble with the girls who are all waiting for me to go out for dinner.
We couldn’t stop rambling. His boss even came around a few times and he was unfazed by her orders to do some work and check out a dodgy guy in the store nicking CDs under his sweater.
He’s so completely hot but what I realised tonight was how incompatible we are. Not just JB hifi boy but with all alternative rock indie boys. I’m in a love hate relationship with them. I love love LOVE their look and their passion for awesome music and how they dress and how they style their hair. I am completely attracted to them physically. But it could never work because I loathe how they’re so cynical and how they bum around waiting for their big break in rock stardom not realising that one needs to make a living and it’s just infuriating! Hey, I’m all for realising dreams but all I’m saying is don’t be so fuckin lazy about it and realise if you suck and move on. In a way they’re like little boys who don’t want to grow up. Which is, I suppose the Wise One Hin’s point that I should find a MAN and not a boy.
We even had a discussion about this last night – that the only thing binding us together was our same taste and love for good music, but other than that, we’re probably not supposed to get along. He’s cynical and hates business and commercialisation and huge corporations and working and the media and all that jazz. I love business and my passion for the art of persuasion and manipulation and creativity revolves around hard work.
So really, what I should have proposed to him is purely sex – no relationship. Sounds good to me.
His band is playing next Friday night and he asked me to go. It is definitely tempting but I’m going to have to bring in the big guns – friends.
Friends always make one look good.
I went to this rockin party last night. The host was this guy who has recently joined our group and his house is a super mansion! Lucky – because 150+ folks showed up to what started as a wee get together. I went over Hunters place in the late afternoon, expecting just 15-20 of us for a backyard barbie. I dressed casually, wearing brown tailored shorts, a cream camisole, green beads and pink flip flops. I was pretty dissatisfied with my outfit – I know the male species don’t tend to understand these things, but it was like I was wearing a bad hair day. I left my house feeling crap.
By 9:30pm, Hunters gargantuan mansion was getting cosy. The barbie that lured us to Hunters place in fact did not happen so the girls and I were discussing getting dinner and eating by the foreshore. As we were in dinner talks, I saw Jeremy. I met him a month ago at another party and pardon the dreadful cliché, but we got on like a house on fire. Great sense of humour. Attentive. Friendly. Cute. Brown floppy hair. Stylish. But after we met, I was baffled why he didn’t ask for my number and decided to write him off into the “He’s just not that into you” category.
So there was Jeremy standing 30 metres away on the opposite side of Hunters lounge. Despite the distance, he saw me and we made eye contact. I turned away doing the whole disinterested thing, but at the corner of my eye I see Jeremy running (yes, literally RUNNING) through Hunters lounge room, occasionally politely shoving people over to get to me!
Jeremy and I do the kiss greeting and whilst we’re talking he twirls my necklace beads with his fingers and says to me “You look really nice tonight”. Aww… But I can’t help but go into my spiel about how I’m unhappy with my outfit and he’s actually listening to my rambling shit, not only looking me straight in the eyes but making remarks about my pointless blah and I’m thinking “Wow he must really like me”.
Before my girl friends steal me away from him, he finally has the balls to ask for my number. We do the exchange and he retreats back to the other side of the lounge with all the rest of the boys. My girl friends and I discuss where to go get Italian takeout and every time I look in Jeremy’s direction, he is looking straight at me! Every. Single. Time.
The girls and I dash off to get dinner and I don’t get the chance to say goodbye to him. Later that night after eating gnocchi by the foreshore and settling down eating ice cream watching the night stars, the girls convince me to msg him…
“How’s your night going? We’re doing ice cream by the foreshore. Yumm….”
He responds seconds later,
“I’m lying in bed almost asleep….
But I’m quite jealous of you and your ice cream”.
I reply…
“Mmm… cookie dough. I’ll save some for you! Wanna get together this week?”
Okay I know this was a big call on my behalf taking the initiative, but I figure, I’m not head over heels over this guy so I feel comfortable taking the risk. But it’s been nearly 24 hours since I sent that msg and he still hasn’t replied!
That son of a bitch!
WHY!!!!!!!!!!???????
I’m really not that into him otherwise I would never have asked him, but it still annoys the hell out of me that he hasn’t msged back!
BOYS CAN BE SO RUDEEEE!
There he goes… back into the “He’s just not that into me” pile.
