That’s Stella

I can hardly contain my excitement….!

I am meeting Bstein (aka New York Man) in Los Angeles for a romantic rendezvous!!!

ARggghhhh!

The New York man is no longer a New York man. He is living in LA now.
I rang him during work. It’s been hard to find a good time to chat with the time difference and all. I didn’t really expect to get a hold off him, but he answered in his gorgeous accent,
“Hello? Hello?”.
All I said was “Hello!” and he recognised my voice straight away.

We haven’t spoken for close to a year but it was just like old times. Conversation ran smoothly. It was like nothing had changed.

I wish I could’ve recorded his response when I told him I was moving to New York and would be in Los Angeles in 2 weeks!! He was blown away.

He said he couldn’t wait to see me again. He said he wanted to introduce me to all his friends.

But the biggest news of all?

He broke up with his girlfriend over two months ago.
I kinda knew about her from his friends in NY and dreaded that she could be the only thing that could potentially prevent me from seeing him when I went to LA. But now… well now we can’t wait to see each other!

I can’t wait to see if anything that once was there, is still there. I can’t wait to see this familiar face I haven’t seen for such a long time. I can’t wait to hug him and know he wasn’t just in my dreams.

But I’m not going over for him. And it’s not about him.
But there’s no harm in a bit of romance!

I know I claimed that I had some sort of closure with him, but the romantic feelings haven’t miraculously come to a halt. Yet. I’m working on it, but I can’t help but want to spend all my time with him, especially as our time is so limited considering I’m leaving in a months time!

He is going on vacation with his family for the next 3 weeks and only returns in my last week in Perth so we made more of an effort to spend more time together this week.

I got up at 4:30am to be on time to meet him for breakfast at one of my favourite breakfast spots. It took me forever deciding what to wear. Sexy or cute? At that time of the day, I thought cute was the way to go and wore a booby black dress with black pointy wedges and a caramel and black polka dot silk scarf tied around my neck in a bow.

We arrived at our meeting spot at the same time. Even though he was right outside the restaurant, he crossed the road to meet me, and I clutched his arm as we crossed the road together. It was breezy and my hair and scarf blew in the wind, and I felt like I was in some romantic movie.

We scored a booth in a corner of the restaurant and sat next to each other snuggled intimately, like one of those annoying couples you see sitting on the same side of a booth rather than sitting opposite each other. We whispered to each other and my attention was his. A bald Britney Spears could’ve walked in with her entourage and a flock of paparazzi and I wouldn’t have noticed, Hell, the restaurant could’ve been burning down and I doubt I would’ve felt the fire at my feet.

As we ate breakfast, I did think how lucky it would be to have breakfast with him every morning or even better, to wake up with him every morning.

On our last day at work before his vacation, I noticed a lone Christmas present sitting on his desk the whole day. Admittedly I got a little paranoid and wondered if it wasn’t for me, who he could possibly like in the office more than me! But my heart melt when he went to say goodbye and gave me the present and wished me a great Christmas and New Years. I told him how much I’d miss him and didn’t know how I’d survive my last few weeks at work without him. We kissed and it was bittersweet as he left and I clutched his present in my hand.

I love you.
I just love my kids more.

It was everything I needed to hear for me to move on. I know it has been going on for way too long – these feelings for the unattainable. Silly silly silly! Married. Kids. You don’t have to tell me how wrong it is.

But it’s not every day you meet someone who has the whole package, who you’re completely attracted to and who seems to at least reciprocate some sort of feelings for you too.

Hell, he loves me!

I’m shocked he was so blunt about it. I mean, he’s English. I thought English men don’t talk about feelings? I’m glad it’s out in the open and now I don’t have to stay awake at night wondering if he feels the same way or if his touches mean anything more than they are.

I am flattered he ‘loves’ me. But I love even more that he loves his kids and wife and family more.

I love that it wasn’t a hard decision for him. I completely respect him for that. On top of the fact he’s always got time for me if I’m down or just need a chat, he sticks up for me and never sugar coats things – he always tells me like it is because as he says ‘we’re too close to bullshit each other’. He’s just always there. He cares.

He told me the other day that he only has friends he’s known for 30 over years and it was nice that I came along and will join his list of friends he’ll know for a long time.

Even though I’m only here for another month, I’m looking forward to our ‘friendship’.

I was at a party last weekend. The balcony of this house had breathtaking views of the night city skyline. It started to rain and everyone rushed inside, but I was getting hot and went against the tide towards the balcony for some fresh air. There was a familiar cute boy on the balcony, and we started dancing in the rain. He kept kissing my neck, but I wished it was someone I actually fancied so I could enjoy the experience as much as cute boy thought I was. When it stopped raining I said goodbye and left with my friends because cute these days just doesn’t cut it.

Of course the one I’ve recently developed a bit of a thing for is nothing but a movie star crush - ie. completely unattainable and safe. I know he’s out of my reach so there’s no expectations of something greater.

I met my movie star crush a month or so ago. I didn’t think anything of him at first because he is SO much older the me. It’s even worse then the 16 year age gap between me and my last rendezvous.

I know what you’re thinking and all I can say is I swear I don’t have a thing for older men!
Why would I?

I can’t wait to see him. He’s witty and intelligent and assertive. Slightly aloof. He’s tall and suave and sexy. He wears dark wash jeans with cool t-shirts and tailored blazers. Striking blue eyes. The best laugh ever.

But as I said… he’s a movie star crush.

Because I’m pretty sure he’s at least 20 years my senior, MARRIED… with KIDS.

Wrong wrong and wrong!

Before I found out he was married, I saw Somethings Gotta Give on TV. After the movie, I pretty much convinced myself that if something were to happen between us, that I wouldn’t fight it! Ha! Who am I kidding. I am so attracted to him that I wouldn’t fight it even if it meant having my friends question my sanity. I’m sure they have been for years anyway.

Despite bitching about my job frequently, admittedly one of the perks of my job is attending lavish lunches and parties and cocktail functions and my boss considering it all part of ‘business’. Today my client and I had a 5 hour lunch. Our bill came to over a grand and it was all on the company credit card. Mwahaha! When I got back to the office at 4:30, I decided I was too full to be productive and left the office at 5:30. Now THAT is what I call a good day at work!

We went to this top notch restaurant that I’ve been wanting to try for ages. It’s hidden away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The atmosphere was great. It made me feel a million miles away from work and the service was fab. The waiters and waitresses did everything for us except chew our food. They poured our drinks without stopping conversation, brushed down our table, opened our menus in front of us and laid out our napkins on our laps.

I tried truffles for the first time. Truffles are super expensive - apparently they can fetch up to $9,000 per kilogram in Europe. Anyway I couldn’t resist trying and had the beef carpaccio with asparagus and truffle. It was sliced so thinly that I wonder if I really had a fair go, but from what I could tell, it was woody and not as distinct as I thought it would be.

To be honest, the food was pretty average, except when it came to desert! Now the desert was in a different league altogether. I shared the desert tasting place (for $29!) and it came with coffee tiramisu, apple crumble with mascarpone, strawberry and rhubarb with meringue and gingerbeer sorbet, chocolate torte with brown sugar ice cream.

It was divine!

I saw The Shins live on Friday night. They played an impressive show. I’ve been suffering from a cold and on Friday morning, the thought of not going to The Shins actually entered my mind. Thank goodness I never acted out on that thought. It was a sold out show, so I never expected getting a good view. Hell, I’m so short that I’ve never really expected getting a good view at any gig. Anyway the one time I leave my camera at home, I managed to get front row views. The Shins were 2 metres away from me! If I hadn’t had a blocked up nose, I’m sure I could’ve smelt the sweat dripping off them from all the bright lights.

The Shins have made it to my top five. I love that they don’t fit the stereotype indie rocker look. There was no sign of skinny leg jeans or blazers. I love the dynamic on stage between them. I love that they were obviously having a good time. And I particularly love the antics of the bassist and guitarist.

I got my tickets the day they went on sale but for the whole 2 months that I had my tickets, it never entered my mind that I could actually be seeing and listening LIVE to a song that brings back such bittersweet memories. When The Shins went offstage before their encore and hadn’t actually played Caring is Creepy, I prayed they wouldn’t play it.

For their encore they played Pink Floyds Time and it was followed by Caring is Creepy – the song that my New York Man use to play on repeat whilst we zipped around Manhattan in his car late at night. I remember the first time I heard the song like it was yesterday. I stood outside my West Village apartment anxiously waiting for him to pick me up for our first date. It was freezing cold and there were stray flurries hovering Manhattan that night. When I got into his car he had the Garden State soundtrack playing. Once we had got over the nervous chit chat there was silence and like some great timing, I heard for the first time this amazing song with this great intro and that was Caring is Creepy.

Later when I had to leave New York to head back to Australia, I remember putting the song on repeat during the drive to JFK and just sobbing. It was a painful experience. So when I heard The Shins play it live on Friday… well it was overwhelming. They played it slower and it was dark and only one yellow light was focused on the lead singer and it was quite appropriate. I tried so hard not to, but tears fell down my cheek and I can only be so grateful that it was dark and no one noticed.

Things have taken a bit of a twist with Chris.

We spent two nights in a row together out with friends this week.
Ever since that night I spilled the beans, things have just not been the same. There’s an awkwardness and he goes to great lengths to make sure we’re just seen as friends. No kissing. No hand holding. No hugs. No physical contact what so ever. And even though I know I should be trying to get over him and that his barr on any physical contact rule is probably a good idea, I really miss it.

Every time we go to say goodbye now, I pray he kisses me like he used to, but if I’m lucky all I get is a wave. And that’s all. For some reason on the first night I saw him, it bothered me greatly. I was on a down and just wished things would go back to the way they were.

By the time I saw him the next night I had gone through a make over. I was dying for a transformation. I had been planning it for awhile and that night seemed like the perfect time to show off the new me. I coloured my hair pitch black and my stylist cut off my long tresses to a short bob and blunt straight thick fringe. I wore black boots and a black smock dress with heavy eyeliner and red lipstick. Everyone said I looked like a China doll. I felt renewed and sexy and wonderful.

So I met him for drinks with friends at our bar to show off the new me.

At first I gave him the cold shoulder and appeared to ignore him because he’s done it to me one too many times.

But I warmed tohim when he bought me my favourite drink and sat next to me. He flirted with me and I was cheeky and told him I was over him so flirting wasn’t going to get him anywhere with me. I told him he was far too old for me and he didn’t have a chance with a young pretty thing like me. He laughed and things between us were just like old times.

Except I was the one making the moves.

I kept rubbing my feet up his leg when he sat across the table from me and was having a conversation with the boys. He just kept grinning at me and I would give him a cheeky wink whenever he looked at me.

He whispered into my ear “You’re still into me. I know it.”
And I whispered back “You wish. I can do this because I am over you and you can’t have me”.

Of course any notion that I am over him is a complete and utter lie, but I feel more in control. I have no idea what I’m doing, but it does feel like old times and I am having fun. Whether I get my heartbroken again seems inevitable.

Now the real humdinger came at the end of the night.

Sure all the flirting and winks and touching was fun, but when he insisted on walking me to my car and leaned in and went in for one of our old time kisses, I knew I had hooked him again.

…having wonderful parents that invite my friends around for dinner and can hold a cool conversation without embarassing me (too much).

…having friends at work to go out to lunch with so I’m not one of the few stuck in the office on their lonesome wishing someone cared enough to ask them out for lunch.

…having boy friends who will go out of their way to follow me home in their car because I’m paranoid my car will breakdown and I will be stranded on the freeway freakin the hell out!

…having directors at work who will tell me to go home and sleep when I am coughing up a lung and won’t make me feel guilty for taking advantage of my sick days.

…having caring girl friends who call me late at night to make sure I am OKAY whilst my parents are overseas.

…having friends with great music taste that will always burn me their latest buy so I don’t have to take a trip to JB Hi Fi or miss out on that musical find.

…the bitchiest girl at work leaving and making work a happier place for everyone.

I was avoiding phone calls all Saturday. I turned my cell phone on silent and tried to get some sleep. I’ve got a nasty cold and couldn’t get a wink of sleep all night. Anyway I see my cell light up and see it was a private number calling. How mysterious. I let my voicemail get the call, but I couldn’t bare the mystery and minutes later I retrieve my voice messages and it’s a familiar voice…

Hello Stella. Guess who’s back in town!

The familiar voice on the other end was none other than one of my best friends from London, Mr. Right! That sneaky so and so! He slipped into Perth without telling me – I love it! I love surprises! He lived with me for a month in New York and I stayed with him in London two years ago – and that was the last time I saw him. We always managed to keep in touch, even if it was half yearly phone calls.

I caught up with him today over a hot chocolate and yummy food in Mount Lawley and I have to state the obvious and say it is SO good to have him back even if it is only for a few weeks. It’s like he never left.

Anyway other than surprises, I have to share with you another one of my favourite things in this funny world of ours…

I took a sickie from work and was taking an afternoon nap when my slumber was rudely interrupted by the shrill of our phone. I answered the phone and it was a telemarketer claiming they could slash my phone bills in half. I said I wasn’t interested and hung up. My mom came home and I had a winge about the unwanted phone call and said
“I’m so sick of people trying to sell me shit!”.
My mom said “Right.. and this is coming from someone in advertising”.

My friends and I had a big night out a few weeks ago. But I went home early and a few of the boys continued on into the night and dropped a few pills. Anyway in the morning we all met up for brunch. I picked up the lads and upon deciding where to head for brunch, my sidekick boy at work, who is regularly into his ‘substances’ as he likes to put it says
“I say we go to that new organic café. These new organic cafes popping up around the city are fantastic because you know, people these days are just putting crap into their bodies. It’s ridiculous”.
And after he said this, I laughed so hard.

What do these two situations have in common?

That my dear friend is irony.

And you gotta love it!

Despite the expensive retail therapy and over indulgence last weekend to get over seeing Chris canoodling with another girl, I was still DOWN. Oh my! Who would’ve guessed.

Anyway… my girl friends suggested I just be straight and tell him that I like him.

I always thought that it was obvious. The fact that I always reciprocated his kiss was a way of saying “Hey I think you’re Mr. Hottie Hotpants and I wouldn’t mind if you tried to get into mine”.

But the girls reminded me that he is a creative and this means (in our stereotypical view) that creatives need direction and are often a little clueless and need a suit to guide their way. And it’s true. I mean, without suits, creatives would be surfing YouTube all day long.

So I emailed him. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for drinks sometime this week.

And I waited for his response.

Despite his advances in the past, I still expected him to reply with a “Oh sorry I’m busy” or completely ignore my request. My confidence in our little romantic liaison dipped since I last saw him.

But within minutes he replied with a day and time and venue, as well as some minor chit chat about how he can’t remember a thing from the ad ball.

I was ecstatic! I wished I had done it before I spent all my money on the weekend and loaded up on the Lindt…

I met him at our usual bar after work. I was 10 minutes late because I thought I was going to be sick! There were a few close calls, but by the time I actually got out of the bathroom at work, I was stuck in traffic and felt oh so bad.

I walked in the bar and there he was… and I can’t describe the feeling of seeing him. But it felt like I hadn’t seen him for a lifetime. Things were a little awkward at first. The more we chatted, the more I felt like I didn’t really know him as much as I wanted to before spilling the beans. Yeah sure it was also an excuse for not telling him how I felt, but this was the first time we’d be out alone and I wanted to see how things would go.

We talked about marriage and sex and life partners and at one point it did feel like we were interviewing each other as potentials, but I gained SO much insight into why he hasn’t been making bold moves. He doesn’t want anything long term. Ever. He doesn’t believe it’s realistic! OMG. In my head I could feel alarm bells going off. Not that I’m expecting to find a husband in the near future, but everything he was saying said SO much about what could happen. And particularly… all the ways he could break my heart! argH!

After the ’serious’ talk we gave crap to each other and it felt a lot more casual like it has in the past when we had friends around. I made him laugh and OMG HIS LAUGH is the most amazing sound ever. He laughs with his whole body and his eyes squint and he is oh so gorgeous.

At the end of the night he went in for the kiss. It was like we were on slow motion. He moved in… leant down (he’s well over 6ft and I’m a mere 5ft3.)… and tilted his head and closed his eyes… HAHAHAH… it was so great. I kept my eyes open so I could get a look of him up close and personal but when our lips locked (how corny!) I thought I’d better close my eyes in case he caught me staring.

I’m seeing him again tonight and in my dreams I’ll ask him to take me home with him.

In reality, I know I’ll end up waking up in my friends bed head to toe, unsatisfied.

Ha.

When I got back from my lunch break, sitting on my desk was an annonymous arrangement of these…

They’re my FAVOURITE!! I loved them even more after watching Adaptation - one of my all time fave films. The arrangement is so big it takes up half my desk space. I was slightly embarassed by how extravagant it was.

Nothing more than a card with my name on it.

I’d like to think it was from him, but that would be a blind guess.

How v. mysterious!

I spent my weekend at Becks Verandah. Every. Single. Night. And it was spectacular indeed! Friday night I checked out Camera Obscura - this cute poppy Scottish outfit that remind me of Belle & Sebastien. I’d been looking forward to Camera Obscura for months! I ended up separating from my date during CB though because he wanted to sit in the grand stand and I wanted to be on the dance floor free to have a boogie if I so wished. I did feel really bad… but I thought he should’ve been a gentlemen and accompany me on the dance floor. CB were fab and Institut Polaire were quite impressive!

On Saturday night my friends and I checked out The Bellrays. It was quite a drunken affair and I was SO stoked we managed to snare a sofa considering it was packed. We met so many randoms and ended up in deep and meaningfuls about different music philosophies. Early in the morning these two older guys moved in on our scene, and usually I welcome any strangers but when one of them sat next to me and my girl friend on the sofa and asked me to sit on his knee, I decided it was time to go home.

And Sunday… oh I dreaded Sunday because it meant the end to Becks Verandah! booo hooo hoo!!! waahh! My girl friend and I were on a double date but we arrived an hour earlier than our dates and by the time they arrived, there was a really long line of people hungry to get in to the closing party. We tried to pull a few sneakys to get the boys in (spitting on arm to try and transfer entry stamp from arm to arm, finding secret entries, making up stories, etc…) but all without luck. We did end up having a drink with them, but I wasn’t too fussed about our dates because:
1. I had a lot of friends at Becks I wanted to catch up with
2. My friend asked them what music they liked and they both answered
“Anything in the Top 40. Radio stuff”
Um… Boys who like their music spoon fed? Turn off!
3. And finally… I can’t stop thinking about Chris!

Did I mention that Chris is a whole SIXTEEN years my senior? My friends are a little skeptical about the potential romance and I don’t blame them. I don’t even know why I like him…

ANYWAY the closing party was amazing. A fantastic crowd. A GREAT band - think circus/Willy Wonka/psychedelic pop and crazy sounds! It felt like every awesome person in Perth was there decked out in their funky dresses and rock star boys in brown leather jackets and black skinny jeans. I don’t know where I’m going to hang out now that Beck’s is closing!

Sayonara till next year Becks Verandah!

I tried to get free tickets from work weeks ago and when that failed I tried to round up my friends with no luck! I had nearly given up, till I got a call from my bestie asking if I wanted to go. My answer was YES!

We spent our Sunday evening under the balmy summer night sky atop picnic blankets on the cool grass. Stars twinkling and dragon flies were buzzing as we watched Augie March perform with WASO (Western Australia Symphony Orchestra) in our front row possie.

Check them out HERE